Tuesday, August 24, 2010 1:15 AM

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Because i feel happier somehow.

No more arguments

No more cries

No more beggings

No more shoutings.

No more empty promises.

If i love something, i won't give up working my best to get it.

Just like my dreams. I love it. I won't give up searching for it.

You just don't love me.

It is a fact.

You just buy things for me to fulfill my needs.

You don't care what you buy.

You buy for the sake of buying.

There is not much thought on things you give me.

What have i bought you that you don't use and see everyday?

I took a week to look for your presents. I drove all the way to shah alam, to Faber Towers, to Puchong. Your birthday, i took a month to think of what to give you. I pestered your room mate. I made your cake. I customized your gift. I stayed awake till late at night to wrap your presents. Decorating stickers on it. I never knew how to make origami love shapes. I watched video until i know how to make dem. I made our 6mths video until 3am in the morning; i was so glad it turned out so nice. I walked the whole mall to look for the photoframes. Took me a whole night to select the pictures that i wanted to print out. When i was cleaning the room yesterday; the pictures fell off... it only felt of memories.

My 19th birthday was a disaster;

you telling me you won't be with me during my birthday. My present wasn't wrapped. My card was empty & best of all you tell me its recyclable. I won't question if the plastic is worth Rm 50 because i know you like frisbee disc. But you said the cake was "sponge cake" and not worth your money.

I don't need you to buy me starbucks

I don't need baskin robbins

I don't need all this materialistic things.

I just want you to give in your heart when u treat me.

I waited for a year and a half.

I still waited for a few more weeks.

I waited and waited..

Until i've made up my mind.

Some chances only come once in a lifetime. If you've missed yours then its over.

Its too late to regret on things you should've done earlier.

Hey baby,

You know i really gave you my heart throughout it all.

I really thought you were the one.

I still remembered 1yr & a half ago on our 3rd date i told you i wanted to go ice skating & after a year and a half. We haven't yet entered the rink.

Until now; i don't think we'd have the chance anymore.

You know baby; you've never wrapped me a present before?

Honestly, do you realize whenever on saturdays when you come down i'd feel moody at first?

Because you were never punctual.

And when you are late it means i'd spend less time with you.

Baby, I know you love to watch movies; all this while it is just to accompany you. I don't have that extra favourtism on cinema.. i don't have to be in the mall. I don't have the need to squeeze yr wallet dry, i'm not that kind.

You've never really planned our outings before...

& i've always hated that you never tell me your plans earlier. You'd always tell me last minute; hey i'm going for frisbee later.

Your game is much much more important than me.

Trust me. I know thats the truth.

It hurts me even more when you told me during primary & secondary you've made things for your crushes. Yet i've been your gf for the past 547 days and i got nothing.

I've got no intentions to control you.

I just think you should study more during exam time, i know how last minute you were.

Yet i know how much you don't want to disappoint your mum.

I know how tired you would be. I know you'd be gone for at least 3 hours.

I know and i think for you.

If you think that is so controlling; really i've got nothing to say. But i know you hated it.

I think your place is quite dangerous at night; i asked you to go out way earlier den your normal habits. Yet again, you hated it. I've already stopped controlling when you weren't so out of control.

Baby, i just hate it when you drink. Especially you are the one driving. I love you and i don't want you to risk your life and other people's. I knew you hated it. I knew you hated telling me you'll be drinking. I don't get it why you like to get drunk so much. I can't find another reason except that our relationship is that bad.. until getting drunk makes you think less and feel happier.

Rest of it, i've never controlled you before. I give you all the trust. I've never checked your hp msges before. I've never logged on to your hotmail or whatever although i know you password; because.. hey, i know everyone needs their own privacy.

I'm sorry, i have not been the perfect gf..

But right till the end, just if you are thinking. I never cheated on you before.

It took me two days since sunday to clear my feelings before i could tell you on Wednesday.

Thats why i feel no guilt.

But everything is too late to be returned to normal.

I warned you. You just didn't bother, baby. You could only be blaming yourself.

It sometime fears me how true my feelings can be..

You don't regret this relationship.

But i think i do.