love

is unpredictable

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Straw-Berriez.BlogSpoT.CoM
As we grow older together, As we continue to change with age, There is one thing that will never change. . .
I will always keep falling in love with you.
Karen Clodfelder-

This is da current me x)

Let me juz show you something shocking =)

DURIAN FEISTA!!!
Dad went Muar this morning n bought back 100kg's of duriaaansss xP

LoL My sis making the durians take picture =P

LoL my doggiii x)

My stupid fucing retarded certificate.. -.- in one cacated file.

Today 30th JUNE
I am suppose to be packing now n begone for a week happily smiling.

But NO, INSTEAD i'm stuck at home!
FUCK IT!

Owh btw,
Sry for wrong facts i gave out.
It was suppose to be some form 2's dat got into some disp cases.
O_O abit shocked when i heard da story.
Got it like indetailed today.

And they said "WE" are bad.
*laughs*
*eyes roll*

I'm sure its due to the things dat they are all exposed to these days.
Lets see...
Bad girlz juz SOUND n LOOK bad.
The fact is, they are 100% better n more innocent THEN those so called ""innocent"" ppl.
WAKE UP!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ lurrrveeesss ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Not Forgetting my beloved baby : -

JOSEPH HAPPPIIEEE BURFDAY !!

~lurves~

I juz saw something on friendster.
My jaw fell dwn.
My mum always said my friendster was so over yada yada..
Eh hello i'm a teen larh..

This is seriosly too much.
Dat gurl is barely 11 - 12 her phone is more chunted den mine
O_O
Their friendster existed LONGER thn mine.
And MY MUM said I AM BAD.

PSLE & UPSR also not yet pass ald can go out
LIKE WTF!
life is so unfair!

WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF VOMITZ BLOODDDZZZ
12 year old couple wif 15 yr old.

NO wonder "cluster skewl also come out newspaper"

WTFZZZZZZ 12 year old show middle finger

*TOOOT*

MY JAW CAN't ATTACH back to my mouth

WAD THE HELL
3 peircings at da age of 12
ZHA DAO MAN!

OWH and I AM BAD.
They can't even speak ENGLISH properly man!!!!!!!!

WTF-ing NON-STOP now.

Their 12 n their emo-ing this n dat...
IN A SUPER SHOCK STATE!

Make ups at da blardy age of 12!!!!!
Do they knoe wads called natural ??

OKay i'm not a paranoia or anything.
I mean if you see it you will be like me.

-TOTAL SHOCKING RANDOMNESS-

Fuck!
I seriously derno da blardy time.
Was actually searching for one god dam clock juz now -.-

Yeaa larh yeaa larh.
I tell you so dat i can disappoint myself.
Yeaa larh you will let.
MY FOOT.
The point of Not telling is coz i'm 100% sure da answer will be NO
Why even Bother to ask?

Yea i knoe da freaking consequences of going out larh.
But can you like think abit? how long can you keep me at home till i am 30 or something?
Accidents happen anytime,anywhere.
When it happens it will. NO prevention CAN be done.

Ugh! i still feel sickish!!!!
before i forget i vomited at skewl today.
I still feel like vomiting now.
FYI - i am not pregnant >.< (stop teasing me)
HEADACHEEEEEEEEE!!!

I juz did research on breast enlargement punya stuffsss... -.- nid wash eyes LOL.
SO many nuisance came out.

lalalalalalalalalalaalalalalalalalaalalalalaalalalalalalalalalalala......... (O_O)
i shocked!

My phone is gone.
Like i care.
LOL i dun actually.. but juz to tell you da consequences when i dun hv it. =P

I will over sleep. ( i dun hv a proper alarm besides my phone )
U will see me getting late to skewl. -.-
No pictures. ( i didn't take my lousy cert's picture lolx )
I dunno da time ( my phone is MY clock. )
I will basically be late for everything O.o
hmw will be peice of shte! coz when i'm nort in class i wun hv da blardy time to ask! yay!
ahh screw it.
I didn't memorize all da numbers (O_O)



My PHONE = My CLOCK
MY phone = My walking yellow pages.

LoL keerth returned my button badge already! i juz realize it! =P since my pencil box was INFRONT of me.
And Ling returned my eye balls today haha i didn't realize she took it home wif her =P

Realli i'm a respected person in skewl?? (O_O)
Wow she looked too highly on me edyy xP

she say she muz tell Pn M *eyes rolll*, the truth is Pn M ald knoe =) i bet she will be speechless coz i normally ask her hold on to it. I was lazy today larh so wtv ni larh i also nvr see her in skewl. =.=

Pn M knoes how playfull yet notti i am but i finish her work dats all she nids xP

Did i forget to mention Azri SMOKES (O_O)
LoL Pn M also SHOCK.
So am I.

Took picture wif mrs loo today i told her i will post on friendster n she was like WAD???!??! hahaaha!! i juz lurve her =) although i'm always dat targeeeetttttt.

Did you all see how Mrs Loo reacted when they announced blue hse won.
FUNNY sia weih x).

Argh seriously screw dat dam cert larh! it looked pathetic n ugly!

SA disiplin cases actually came out on Metro n dat gurl is like Form 1 i think.

Teens these days ARE getting worse.
If you say our batch is, wait till you see the current ones.
We are juz exposed to too many things.
For eg. sex
The information can be gained like anywhere.
Adults will nvr tell their child abt anything related to tis topic. It seems like its some shame or some sort.
But, do they knoe porn are easily surfed on da net, and even by reading story books these contents are much exposed?
Time has change, i guess its abt time for da parents mindset to change too.
-random-

Employment of Children
The Children and Young Persons (Employment) Act 1966 is aimed at preventing the exploitation of child labor. This Act defined a “child” as a person who is under the age of 14 years old, while a “young person” refers to a person of 14 and above but below 16 years of age.

In this Act, a child is not allowed to be engaged in any type of employment except those involving light work suitable to his capacity in his family business undertaking and public entertainment (in accordance with the requirements in this Act).

The maximum number of hours allowed for children to work is 3 consecutive hours with a rest of 30 minutes, and not more than 6 hours per day for school-going children. They are not allowed to work between the hours of 8:00 p.m. and 7:00 a.m.

As for young persons, the Act states that they are not allowed to be engaged in other types of employment except doing light work (in family or non-family business), employment as a domestic servant, or employment in an industrial undertaking suitable to his capacity.

and whu said """"childreeeeeeen""""" cannot work -.-
Once again.
lazy argue wif them.

Diane juz have to do tht to me.
OMG EVELYN!!! you are goin to miss da camp.
Yeah i knoe wad i'm gonna miss! And yea another cert juz flew out fm my hands.
Like so wtv larh.
abt 20 koko points i juz kissed it gdbye.
Fuck!

Yay! i knoe they lurve suprises.
=.=
I actually had a feeling abt it and i still continued.
Ask me why.
Coz i'm juz weird.

Ugh my fucking cert is so retarded.
Its more like an A4 paper wif a file.
Menaga n me tot it was laminated at 1st. O_O

I so dun care!
It is as if i like keeping secrets.
It is as if i like lying.
It is as if i like doing things behind ppl.
Don't they realize its tiring?

I'm juz some pathetic lame arse.
Stuck in this world forever.

Sometimes i do wonder..
Other parents pay more than 1k juz to send they're child/teen to tuition.
But the results are still horrible...
The parents did not whine n they juz said well, you've tried your best.

WOOT?

Dam funnny weih.
I seriously find this funny.

-read wad i'm trying to tell-

I have never been like this in my whole life before..
So weird.
I felt so weird myself.
However mad i am last time i still talk, and laugh over it.
I juz can't seem to do it now.
I am strenghtless.
I felt useless.
I felt fed-up.
I wanna cry, but i can't.
I wanna scream it all out i can't either.
Even talking to da person dat can make me laugh no matter wad didn't help either.
I felt like a blardy loser.
I am like a robot, emotionless.
I managed to pretend like nuthing happened at skewl
pretending is hard.
When i dun hv da mood, i juz don't.

Its so worthless arguing abt my life anymore.
My life is nvr mine.
Maybe you are right you oni hv 2 daughters.


Pride (taken fm Jill) - I FEEL YOU!!!

Maybe they don't see it. Maybe they see but don't feel the need to. But deep down inside, we all want our parents to say it. We all long to hear those words, that's the only reason why we bother going to school and staying up all night studying while people are out partying. We want them so say "i'm proud of you." But they never do. Growing up in an uptight chinese home is pure torture. Sure, there is the culture, the traditions and all that jazz...but there's also the stress and pressure that our parents put us through. My mum constantly reminds me that "without a degree you are nobody and will get no where". I sometimes feel so insecure it's amazing that i even get through the day. When my peers bitch about how hard it is to get grades while still trying to keep sane and not end up comitting suicide, they are the one's who have elder siblings. I honestly know how they feel when they have to put up with their parents complaining about their "just credit in math" and "pass in Chemistry" a credit is never enough, a pass isn't either. Our parents expect distinctions from us and when we don't live up to that expectation...the whole world just seems to fall apart and laugh cruelly in our faces. We have siblings, cousins, friends and oh i don't know...random family friends' to compete with. With me, it's like every grade i get is not good enough. Before Mid terms Loony said "just try passing everything, i know it's hard but you have to try. Yor sisters could do it" and i said fine. So i passed my weakest subjects with an 8E and still they're unhappy. What am i suppose to do...cheat? i wish i could eat a pill and make it all go away. I wish they would stop comparing me because i know and they know that i've achieved so much and more through this entire 6 months. Maybe not on paper, but in me...i do feel like i've achieved something i've always wanted to. Even to this day, teachers still compare me to my sisters, and i still hate being called "____ 's sister" I have a name. And it's very degrading to be known like that. Sometimes, i feel like good is not enough and that i'm suppose to achieve something BEYOND this realm. Something so major it would make everyone happy except me. I don't even know if i can live to study what i want in College. Loony would probably kill me before any of his 3 girls study something else besides law. I'm always the one breaking "legacies". But i am the one who starts my own. I don't intend to be known as someone's sister or someone's daughter all my life. but now i wonder, if i'll ever get the chance to. Grades are all that matter. Happiness is second class and respect is a must all the way. Sometimes i wish this whole thing wouldn't feel so rigid.... It's not that i'm angsty because i want to, i don't feel joy in being angry you know. It's just one of those little things that is hard to explain to people. I'm a born worrier, i hyper ventilate when i don't bring my books and freak out when i "lose" them. I'm under all this stress at school, at home...and sometimes i wonder if people are alert enough to see that. Rish and i console one another over sibling arguements and mounts of work that we have to do. I don't like skipping class, especially not math. It's bad enough i have to do math on my own i can't ask anyone but my friends because everyone has "supposedly" forgotten. see? what's he bloody point of going to High school when i'm forget everything in 2 years time. My life/social life revolves around tuitions. I have to listen to my parents nag and i have to run nonesensical errands for tom, dick and harry. Everybody living with me is partially disabled you see, they can't look for their stuff on their own, they can't pick up the phone and call people, they can't work the office equipment on their own and they can't print rubbish out on their own. So since I'M the only one who has hands, legs and a mind i have to do everything. It's only logical right? Since i'm always stuck doing some person's dirty work. I've never had self confidence when it comes to work. Somehow, debating changed that. I think it was Sabrina when she tortured us for 2 weeks before the Zone competition...i learned to believe from debating. Something the X said will always haunt me "you look down too much on yourself" when he said it, i was hurt..then i realized that i do. I do because where i'm from, the term mediocre does not exist and excellence is something needed in order to live.

Btw, Grats Jill for bagging a BRONZE back x)
All those hard works n naggings muz hv been worth it afterall =)
Self satisfactionary is rated top =)

UGh!
Yesterday basically angry until i sleep dy.
Tired larh. Still half dead at skewl today.. =.=
Y u like this?
WHY CAN'T I BE LIKE THIS?
wad a question to ask
Yeah something is wrong wif me but you can't even tell.
So juz leave me emo alone.
sms whu, sms wad, talk to whu. EVERYTHING also wanna knoe -pathetic-

Yala yala i cannot bath in da morning one.
I bath in morning means i nvr bath yesterday izit. WTF?
Like i say i lazy wan argue ANYMORE.
Useless talking to them.
FED-UP.

Today skipped addmath.
WTF teacher skip chapter. DAM IT!
blur blur sotong again.

Tmr get my cert. Blah wads the use of it?
one stupid sheet of idiotic paper.
Nobody's gonna give me credits anyway.
Why even care taking it?
NO BIG DEAL.
Throw da cert best.

omg sat got some mini debate in class..
I'm 3rd speaker. =.=
Surely i will lose to keerth......
I dun even hv da time to actually do research.

I'm having some stupid migrain since Tuesday.
ughhh!!!!

"Nevermind larh next time"

Next time?
will dere be any chance anymore?
NO.
How many years hv i left in high skewl?
less thn 1 n a half.

Those promises dat they hv told seem to be all lies don't they?
Since form 1.
Every year without fail.

It is as if i'm going to rob a bank or something u knoe.
When i'm gud wad do i get? air?
Compare me wif bla n bla n bla.

I wanna learn guitar NO
I wanna learn tkd NO again.
I got this NO

Yeah all this will kill me.

-tired of arguing, tired of them, tired of crying anymore, i'm juz plain tired.-

ugh! went on friendster n saw something i dun like once again!

Let me juz say,
I purposely asked for it.
I was not dat gud but i beeeeeggggggeeddddd for it =.=
Nobody likes me.
I am hated.
Nobody knoes me.
Teachers dun like me.
Friends ditch me.
All i hv is a bunch of idiots dat r still sticking wif me n their VERY horrible friends.
I like ACT pretty.
I ALWAYS ACT CUTEEEEEEEEE.
I made up stories abt guys.
I'm not pretty enuf to hv crushes.
I dun hv the power to love someone.
Wad i love most you will take it all away from me.
Wad i treasure most you will take it away.
I'm always a failure.
I hv an attitude problem.
You sucked all da happiness away from my life.
I'm living in a colourless world.

If you think i'm like this den go ahead.
It useless to argue anymore.

-sarcastic-

Right, i still can't find a tear.
Today I pushed "it".
It seems dat the names hv already been faxed over.
My heart sank.
The feeling of crying rushed.
But, not even a drop dat ran out...
~Em0pwincezz~ this name suits me in any aspect.
I am half dead at skewl today.
Feel sick-ish & groggy.
Still felt much like crying.
Looked for keerths chicken soup instead n asked her any nice stories dat can make me cry.
HAHA!! the answer was no.
I juz went like awww.. sweeet.
My fake smile went on da whole day.
I feel numb.
It is as if i no longer hv feelings.
Nothing is fair in this world is it?
I can't even cry when i'm listening to emo songs.
I can't even cry when i'm thinking abt all those sad stuffs
Something is way wrong with me.
I feel so weak.

Tmr i'm gonna skip class for raptai n get my body sliced into peices coz Pn.Leow will start again.
She blew today coz Keerth n Charl hv to go practice their Moral Drama.
Juz note to all SA teachers : It is not dat we all wanna SKIP ur class but it dat we hv NO CHOICE but to do it. Since we are a "cluster skewl" many events are held in our skewl if students don't do nobody will. The skewl won't fall without me but it will fall without EVERYONE of us.

Gawd did you knoe the new trainee teacher actually cried coz of this? LIKE WTF? Lucky its not in my class or not it will be another time i see a teacher cry in class. Had a bad experience before few years back.

Friday will be my pay off day! yipee!!!
Hari KoKo =)

Will he be lying?
I really dwn to knoe.
Its time to move on n forget him like last time.
It wun be easy. I hv known him so deep, so much..
Although he keeps himself most of da time but i still knoe him very well.

Haih...........................
I saw dat paper.
Felt like burning it.
Trip to lagoon is not planned AT ALL.
SHIT!
I fixed it to July 6th.

AS if i will hv enuf time to get it all done by then >.<
Better get my arse moving tmr.
When i'm busy i won't remember things fm da past.
I won't hv time to recall those memories.
Even if its a fake smile i will still pull thru.

Its not him dat is BAd.
Is me.

>>> i'm trying to dig for my chicken soup book to read.

Y chicken soup? derno juz felt like crying..
My emotions r stuck so juz wnated to read n let go all those stress.. haih.

I'm gonna be sick real soon.
Coughing SLIGHTLY T.T sobs.
Haih being an ~Em0pwincezZ~
Every thing tht has happen.
Does every happy happenings hv to come to an end?
We somehow are together, somehow broked, somehow still loved each other.
Its so complicated.
I don't knoe wad he is thinking at all.
Is he scared? Ego u might say?
ugh.
Tmr juz gonna push dat camp thing haih. I wanna go so wad?
I am 6 remember?
-pathetic-

Cumulative Frequency & Upper Boundary = Care for u BiBi
Does it ring a bell?
For me it does, coz bibi is................ haih forget it...
He is so cool to me.
No more hi's.
No more how r u?
No more Hugz.
No more muakz.
No more kissseeesss.

wad is wrong?
Something is juz so wrong.
Nothing happen but something seem to hv.

~gonee~

My life's like a story book.
The pages are infinity, uncountable.
I sometimes laugh when i think abt all those things i went thru.
Those silly things dat i hv done.
Those sad times dat i hv.
My story book has it all.
All the flavours.
Sweet, Bitter and Sour.
There was once i thought of closing this book.
I was lucky i am still here continuing it....
It shall be continued till it ends by itself.
I wish to not end this great book myself.

haih..
I'm giving up everything now.
I hv to surrender to my guilt.
i can nolonger stand it.
I'm gonna start studying now *sigh*
Wad i promised i WILL do.

-THE END-

I laugh yet cry at da same time.
Seriously i felt like saying it out.
But i dare not.
He is ego, so am i.
Yeah he did it for me.
Maybe ego ppl are juz afraid, and scared.
Everyone said he is.
I denied.
haha i dunno why i did it, i denied.
I wanted to say out proudly yeah!! but we aren't.
I missed him.

-THE END-

"We will all stay in the same class i am sure!"
Yeah i want dat to happen too =)
I lurve it lots.
Its time for me to work my way up again.

-THE END-

Yupz i agree i am the worst.
I am da family shame.
Everything i do is wrong.
Nothing goes my way.
Yeah i'm worst compared to everyone.
All my friends are bad.
Other ppl's child is best.
I am dat problematic one.
I am da stupid one.
I have no brains.
I'm dat weird one.
I am not pretty at all.

-I AM ALL THE ABOVE-

-THE END-

Haih the 6th friend.
yeah maybe i hv changed alot.
everyone notices.
even myself.
I'm sorry to hv disappointed all of you.
I knoe how much you guys cared.
i hv worried all of you, dat big drop from last year and now is alot.
Its juz tht the cut dat went thru me twice isn't dat easy to heal anymore.
Another thing is,
I am a bad friend, 3 of my friends dat hv left skewl, and are pretty close to me yet i not notice.
I have been so busy, so caught up wif all my things.
When i see them i feel so dam guilty dat i didn't even realize.
I'm SORRY this comes deep dwn fm my heart.

-THE END-

This message is for xr n kira.
Kira - I treated you as a bro all this while, you knoe dat very well. =) i'm glad to hv such a nice bro like u although i don't call u kor x) I am glad u are back wif xr. I'm sorry to hv made her think dat i liked you. I muz admit yah i liked you but as a friend and as an elder brother. I really don't wish to see you guys break another time. I knoe how deep is the cut and how hard it is for it to heal. I'll pray for you. -babey-

Xr - I'm sry to hv shouted at you, i'm sorry dat i hv been rude. All i wanted to tell you is to treasure the ones beside you. It is not dat i'm not listening to both sides of da story, i knoe you may hv a hard time making dat decision i can see you loved kira alort. You can ask Daryl when i'm talking to him i am on yr side. I'm sorry if i had insulted you or something i hope you forgive me. We are still friends no matter how bad we argue or how bad we fight. Once friend, forever friends =). I dun hope to see you two like this again. Since now you are back together i think you shud both treasure it. And juz as a note guys are the stuppidest animal in da whole world u can't draw half da picture n expect them to understand x) -babey-

-THE END-

I will be leaving this blog for awhile. I will be leaving my body for awhile. Till i am back i hope you all miss me. To all my blogreaders this diary of mine will not end here but it will stop here for a moment. Till then miss me =)

To Devil - You will not be reading this. But i juz wanted to tell you dat i will miss you. I wanna see you everyday although i can't. I dunno wads so special abt you dat made me so attracted to you. Maybe dats called loved. I may be too young to love anyone but i hope dat you will wait for me. I hope you will stop dat bad habit of yours. I want you to miss me daily. We are very much alike. You're bad yet good. You are waiting for me to say it out i am also waiting for you to say it out. But anyhow we are even now. You will be the only empty space in my heart after everything is over. The fight dat lasted for so many years hv ended, the apology dat i wanted to made i hv juz done. You will be dat only empty space in me now. I derno when we can be together. I just feel very happi wif you, i am more den comfortable beside you. You hv seen me laugh yet cry. You hv been by my side when i needed you badly. I still remember you saying "you marry me den chaam loo" x) da happi times dat we hv together i will forever remember. You hv lied so many times to me but you knoe i knew it. Those silly jokes u made to make me laugh is really pathetic but it did cheer me up. Silly things u teach me to make me shake my head n smile at myself. If you are reading this you will be asking me if i'm writing an essay. Seriously if its about you I can write an essay =P. We hv known each other for a year now. You like to keep yourself. You like protecting me. You like me to be as good and as pure as possible. You nvr tell me anything because u dwn me to worry. This is you, forever you think abt others, but nvr yrself.
I LOVE YOU dats why i care abt you dummy. >.<


PS : i won't disappoint you all x)

Yesteday was Hari K.
Yup we had soo much fun x)
Running approximately 10 flight of stairs oni werd =.=
Juz bath early in da morning n when i reach skewl it seemed like i bath myself wif sweat again.
Hv to find Pn.Cheong to ask her abt da duty n stuffs.
Run around looking for spoons,fork,chairs,tables,table cloth, teachers ALOT of things basically.
Well, hectic n sorta fun.
When i was helping out at da stall i sorta played wif desperate BB ppl.
Haha ended up they got shooed n spent so much money at our stall.
=P
Haha for futher info's u can ask ling shin!!
Almost at the end of Hari K we saw a ball n started playing football haha.
Me,Ling, 2 of her sis, n da TKD coach lmao!!!
Ling's sisters are so funny they can't even open their own HOUSE LOCK hahaha!

Okay i forwarded lotsa happenings larh haha lazy wanna type out long freaking story larh.
Not really in da mood.

Let The pic's do some talking 1st =)
Charl's cute face awww!!

http://wildernessmalaysia.blogspot.com/

this is wad i'm gonna miss!
hurray.
I am dat gal which can't sit still since young.
But they juz HAVE to make me to.

This is like one blardy opportunity i'm gonna miss.
Yay!
Owh I'm 6 remember?
you hv to minus the 10 off.
coz i'm WAYYYYYY too young for all this.

Be tht way.
I'll BE MY WAY den.
They juz hv to make me doubt all my right decisions don't they?
Yeah i'm helping them for F.O.C
its my class okay.
I love it!
Is tht a gud enuf reason for you?
I pity all of them larh okay.
You don't knoe how much stress they're under.

- irritated -

I actually enjoyed schooling after all.

I think i am da one who nids some comforting now.
I comforted a friend taday n guess wad i think i nid it more now.

"Yeah who say i'm not proud of you for getting it"

Wad a fake phrase they always say.

wtv,wtv,wtv AND again wtv.
Don't go larh forget it.
Why even bother.
lalalalala.
stay home.
rot.
be tht cyberkid forever.
itz fun x)
i'll be enjoying myself anyway.
Yay! lost tht life time chance of mine.
Forget it.
They dun even blardy think it is an achievement.
All they knoe is academic,academic,academic and once again academic.
like DUH its important.
When the time comes i will juz shuddup n sit n sturdy larh.
When i start they juz better keep their mouth shut =.=
Yea yeahh i love the way my results are.
Yea i PURPOSELY did it.
Yea i'm SO HAPPY to see it.
WTV.

hate life
hate home
hate skewl, they juz hv to give me such opportunity to MISS
HATE EVERYTHING!

-very sarcasti now so leave me alone-

## i wonder why ppl like to read my on9 diary and keep themselves anonymous. Siapa makan cili dialarh yang rasa pedas. ##

Yay! my ears fell dwn.
>.<
Pn.Nitche was helping me x)
But she also pointed out alorrrrttt of things loorrrrr T.T
Haih, i knoe her so long le she surely knoe de diff between one year ago me n da now me
(O_O)
HAHA!! she said i used to score like really well for science.
AND NOW.
dun even ask.
FULLSTOP

dwn drag anymore abt it.
-.-

Feel like burning da dam paper man!

Today we nearly burnt dwn da lab.
SPECIAL THANKS to our TRAINEE teacher, Mr. Edy.
Yup indeed he is like the char in da cartoon show called ed, something and edy.
ONE WORD STUPID!
He can't speak in english.
My cousin tht is 6 years old can speak much better.
IN one sentence he can stop at least 3 times and erm for 2 times.
Ended we understand SHIT!
So, today we set up some experiment BY OURSELVES.
he did not BRIEF us AT ALL.
and when we switched on the power supply, smoke started to come out fm the crocodile clip.
The wire was HOT.
Nah Jan burnt herself.
=.=
So we decided to call him n see wads the matter coz we derno where it had gone wrong.
Okay basically even Nah Jan derno which is Anode n Which is Cathode.
He came RELUCTANTLY!
and when he see da smoke he was like umm.. yeah.. its okay.
WTF?
if we dun stop it it might juz explode.
We finally found out tht we set up those wires wrongly.
HE DID NOT TELL A SINGLE WORD!
wtf? is he dere to teach or to look?
or maybe for US to teach him?
He drew out this table he copied fm a book.
Forced students dat understand nut shell abt the chap to answer it.
We all basically copied fm da GOD DAM reference book.
A gal made a mistake, he didn't even notice, he juz copied wad da gal did n BLINDLY teach.
Okay not even teach he juz copied n mumble to himself coz we understand NOTHING!
Until Sab pointed out it was hydroxide and not oxygen.
ONLY he realize and say yea its hydroxide.
Pretended as if he knew it all da time.
So i say to him "teacher den y u say oxygen juz now?"
He pretended cannot hear n moved on.
Ling Shin was so frust wif him coz she wanted to finish our Hari K banner n all since its like due on Sat n we are like NOT DONE at all.
He dun allow n force us to go to da lab.
So she was pretty furious.
LOL. She shouted teacher isn't it RECESSS NOW??
=P
dat gals got some guts!
Then he say yea coz u all came late for class.
WTF?
ask him go fly kite!
So when he let us go, nobody clean up the test tube n all we juz throw it all back to him.
The whole class was irritated n we boycott him!
HURRAY!
whn we entered class we nvr wish him morning.
And when we leave class dere is no thank you too x)
Aina said wad is dere to thank him for?
i told her GOT.
For making us more confuse!

Trainee teachers are retards!
Is UM standard so freaking low?
I SERIOUSLY HATE THEM LIKE MAD.

~ANTI TRAINEE TEACHERS~

Today : lol finally finished dat dam proposal!
I did da drawing AFTERALL -.-Pathetic yet true. >.

Yay! 8 more minutes n its officially Thurs n i'm officially going to heaven -.-Death day haih!Look at those freaking results of mine.I hv no eye to see it myself too.LMAO! everyone is saying tht their parents r gonna hv heart att =X

Okay lets talk abt today, i shall stress abt tuition a lil more.See i went in class as usual JUZ ON TIME x)

Jill will consider me late all the time =.=Choose to sit infront coz i can no longer bear those heads blocking the view of the board AND not forgetting to mention someone at the back tht will shout my ears right off or maybe i'd juz be uncontollable and juz give him ONE THIGHT slap.Gawd, tht guy seriously gets on my nerves.I juz sat dwn n teacher explaining those hmw's he was ald asking stupid Questions FOR GAWDS SAKE! i think he asked something abt how come we nid to factorize it to get the answer or something. LIKE HELLO! thts wad teachers trying to point out, and thts the reason we can't ANSWER IT coz we derno tht we are suppose TO FACTORIZE it Mr. STUPID.Okay tht was his 1st shot.He did it like 8 times in a row i think.Really annoying.Teacher was helping him at 1st.At the end SHE got irritated to.Can you imagine?After teacher did the question using the same formula OVER n OVER again for abt 5 times he is still asking how come dat square root is missing! OWH GAWD!When someone said the aircond was cold.Teacher said har cold meh?HE SHOUTED YALARRRRRRRRRRR NOT COLD ALSO!!

(O_O)

WTF? eh you sitting at the back not cold to shut ur dam mouth larh weih! ppl infront cold ryte!
After awhile teacher say it was warm dere he goes!
YEAAAA ITS SO HOT LARH I'M SWEATING!
=.=
i nearly shouted yeah coz ur too fat! -.-

He also assumed tht Mrs.Tan (our add math teacher) was fm TMN sea.
HAHA!!! and my teacher said yeah u go tmn sea n ask for Mrs.Tan, so all the Mrs.Tan is yr add math teacher.
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Teacher sometimes can be real sarcastic.
Another class like this and i might juz go to him ask him to shutup or he will get a slap fm me.
EVEN HIS FRIEND CAN'T STAND HIM.

~off to bed~ =)

Today : a pathetic morning i had. SERIOUSLY.

Gawd here goes, i seriously hate doing this but i had to. NABILAAAAAAAAAAAA DID YOU BRING IT TODAY??
Thank God she said yea if nort her head is off her body tht instant!!
She happpily said she finished it n juz nid to do a lil unmasking on adobe.
AND POOF!
u knoe wad, she juz got those blardy dam pictures!
I'm sure she juz got those YESTERDAY.
I remember seeing them on the internet!
Dere i go, babbling on her ears like her mum >.<
She promised me like A WEEEK AGO tht its done i dun see any u knoe.

Yay! i hv to do it myself *irritated look*
great! my floor plan is not even done! i nid microsoft visio fm teacher ASAP bfore i die.
Trip to SUNWAY, she'd better get cheaper tickets for me.
I nid to do a bunch of things!
Owh yea , Thurs is Open Day.
OFFICIALLY DEAD!

TIME : derno when
DATE : THURS, 21/June.2007

currently dying.
Hari K my class juz started wif their banners O.O
can we make it? remains a mystery man!

Yay!! y can't skewl juz let us enjoy hari k abit? instead they put freaking open day 2 days before.
WTH?? the teachers all kelam-kabut preparing, results are not all ready yet also.
LOL
Pn. Mazila was like EVELYN!!!! buy fm me 5 book of coupons
(O_O)
Tht was my loooks!

English class, I MISS PN.HAMIMAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*SOBS*
I ANTI TRANIEE TEACHERS.
dun you even ask why.
The way they speak, gawd.
They shud be sent back to training for another year!
Okay so we had like a sorta drama class today.
I acted as this stupid gal tht broke up wif her bf.
LMAO!
zuby was the bf. I named her Adam LOL
pathetic name i knoe.
I laughed until i cried.
=P
dam funny weih.
my acting skills still sucked.
i cannot control my laughter.
It was SERIOUSLY too funny.

I miss my ex- chem teacher.
I miss my ex-english teacher LOTZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
I miss my ex PJAE teacher!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LASTLY i hate trainee teachers!

Yay!! chong zit comin! ehh wtv larh okay i derno how to spell it. xD i lurrvveeeeee chong see this one is a mini chong cute neh xD ITS MINE. erhm actually its ald in my stomach =X
You all are veiwing Peanuts artwork =P

Fuck it larh!
I fucking ald told i hate it!
I fucking hate everyone now!
I'm fucking not gonna go home & you better watch me change! xD
IN A BAD WAY!
Studies?
Wads tht i dun think i knoe!
Yeah throw my bag away! i like it!
i dun even wanna see my text books =)
i can finally put the smile in my face now yay~
i did it finally i can smile when they are scolding me now!

Wtv larh!!!!

I don't fucking care anymore!
I'm successfull now is thanks to MYSELF not anyone of you.
All you all did is help me get hated at skewl, helped me get hated by teachers.
I still can remember that once.
I cried at skewl, years back.
The teacher mentioned the word sister.
I'm juzt nolonger tht weak me.
I can see how much i changed from then and now.
I too see the change, can you imagine how much my family has changed me tht they don't realize?
If you seriously think i hate my family you are so wrong.
If you say i dun respect any of you, then you are wrong.
WRONG.
If i dun care abt my family, i wun get to cry like hell whenever talked abt it.
So juz shuddup, sut abt everything!
You are not me you won't knoe.
So wad if family was in the 1st place?
Look at those things happen in this few years.
It may not seem serious to you,
But hell yea it is to me.
Little things you may not see changed me.
Yea you all can say its abt guys n all wtv shit larh, but to tell you the truth all this while i oni fall for ONE n ONLY guy before.
That itself i never even cried for him before!
Friends yup, i will nvr forget tht, i cried abt tht before not as bad as this i shall still say.
Now i hv it all friends everything i'm loved every corner by them =)
Yea you all love me too, in a wrong way don't you think?
You make me feel like taking a knife n stab myself.
You all make me feel like going to my caunselling teacher.
You make me feel like i wanna slit my wrist.
You make me think dying is a choice.
You make me feel like walking right out to the other side of the world.
You make me feel like to leave right NOW n nvr return.
Yes is a ONE WAY path.
Straight clears, but i foresee someday it might juz happen to myself.
I have never wished tht i'd cried myself blind before, this is the 1st time.
If i'm blind i don't need to face you anymore!
If i'm blind i don't need to explain eevrything to myself anymore!
The amount of ppl tht came n cross by telling me how much i hv changed,
Friends tht scolded me,
saying how can you be like this now?
Wad happen to the old you?
You were so perfect last year!
wad happen?
This year you are such the opposite.
Please i really want to see the old you.
This is wht everyone told me.
I think tht old me is juz lost.
LOST, GONE, HIDDEN, NO LONGER WANT TO SEE THEM maybe?
I want back myself too, its just lost...
The perfectionist me!
The used to be me!
The loved yet responsible me!
wherever are you? i want you back, i can no longer stand in this body, i'm tired, tired of everything.
Maybe thts why you left at the 1st place huh?
Is smoking so fun?
can alcohol help me to get rid of all this thoughts?
NOW i'm thinking the wrong way!
yes i am,
Talking like an insane don't you think?
but its seriously wad i feel like ryte now!

Today, SHIT MY DAY MAN!

Cried in class early in da morning like WTF ryte?
Ugh dun even fcuking ask why, i was super tension.
Early morning got scolded by Pn. Cheong, Evelyn you got duty yesterday doesn't mean you don't nid to hand in your project!
Great!
I annoyed Pn.Usha ONCE again!
>.<
Seriously its not MY choice to disturb your class for no reason!!
For gawd's sake!
With all of the things i had yesterday i still nid to face this early in da morning.
Juz because i choose not to skip math class yesterday i had to skip my physics class
AND Mrs.Loo called me samseng T.T
Although she didn't scold but still i got a nickname coz of tht!
Owh above all this my HISTORY teacher LOST my buku nota! hurray!
Such a joyfull day larh ryte?
Besides! i still have a PILE of work AND a PILE of HMW!

WAD THE HELL?

This is so UNFAIR! Mrs.Loo say MUZ make Evelyn do something she skipped my class yesterday! so i had to help her get her markers from her table! Then all of a sudden my history teacher called me abt my nota book tht she say she couldn't find. Mrs. Loo tot i derno where she sit coz i took me so long LMAO!
She forgot i am a 3K i had to write report at her table =.=
Skewl finally ended!
Back at car I hv to hear ppl yell at my ears.
I have GOT enuf tension!
I DON'T CHANGE, I DON'T CHANGE
WTF?
I'm not wonder woman, i can't transform in a few days time idiots!
Continue force me liddat larh! I can PROMISE you to be much MORE worst than wad you've expected!
Do not look down on to my ability!

Gosh! yesterday thanks to Kesa's mistake our lembaga will kena. Thank GOD they hv gud impressions on us!

I'm in a middle of a dying road.
I'm bringing myself to death!
Its something good coz i no longer need to face anyone anymore!
I'm still back to the avoiding system, avoid will not get things solve but it will keep my mind away from it.
I'm tht cyber kid, why? coz i can't go out.
On9-ing is the only way i can get connected without paying a cost.
Don't you still get it?

I look strong but when it comes to certain things said i can cry at anytime, and anywhere.
Why?
I don't know.
I just don't.
Its just a defect of me.
A weakness.
Something tht i hated abt myself.

I can be so different at home and at school.
Yea i dread going to skewl but i think i dread even more to go home.
No joke,Its true!

Today!! OMG hectic!!!!!!!!!!
55 teachers CAME! omg it was like super pack!! haha man those teacher are cute xD
They were all so friendly not to mention dam funny!! polite to! kept saying thank you!!! =)
Oh btw corrections abt my last post the IT technicians name is Azri not Andrew =P SRY
All of them threw us their pendrives n RUN to lunch!!
LMAO! we all had to handle like 50+ of em'
Not fun okay one missing we are gone fer gud >.<
My pen drive GAWD nid reformat it dy!
Went around like 20+ laptops to save file NoO 10 also got 5 VIRUS for gawds sake!
OpS i accidentally took the skewls camera home =X haha better go sms my teacher before my head is off tmr =P
Pn. Yong kept on ask me diam n faster do my work coz she's hungry LoL!!
All of us nvr eat BreakFAST n LUncH
So ended up ta pao =)
I rushed back to my math class for gud! late larh i mean
Pn. Leow was like nagging me again!! T.T
I said SRY repeatedly =X
LoL but today wasn't really me.
Half of the class is like GONE =O
I wonder why.
LoL we gt some stupid file Pn.Yong say keep for rememberence!
den i say, Teacher not something happy to remember abt!
Then other skewl teacher ask why?
I said coz i starve to finish my work!

=P

Breakfast for the day Milo oni (O_O)
Lunch now!! macaroni!!!!!!!! i'm HUNGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FOOD @.@

Adios~ off for food now!

full walnut =O taste gud *yummmmyyyy*

Get It over wif babe!
Tmr BUSY day!
Today gosh everythings nuthing but upside dwn!
Me n him, GONE
haih, but nyway i juz wanted his forgiveness =)
I done it!
might as well be back like last time xD
FRIENDS! - when you knoe a person juz SLIGHTLY too overly well, they disappoint you. Weird huh?
My leg now carries a biig blue black patch! pain okay!
TMR biiiig day!! i muz go early to skewl WAD??!??!??!??
tht thing starts at 7am! shyte larh!!
oo!! tht IT technician's name is Andrew!! hhhaahahaha!! i don't remember his name juz quite yet =)

My aim tmr : O_O PLZ dun let me skip math class or i'd die! my ears will probably juz run away fm my body!

My next aim : Tht thing better work out OR else. Don't ever use MY NAME! xD

Today, was stuupid. Sorry i annoyed you Pn.Usha!! =(
2 of yr students went in late AND i wanna meet them like 10 min later!
AND again another abt 30 min later!! SRY! we hv business to do T.T

The black suit has a 70% chance of being approved =) i LIKE it!

TAG! omg i forgot all abt it! gonna die soon! Kesa to teach HTML? can she? dun ask me can edy =P. I'm like wad u say a piggy i'm LAZY *muaaaakkkzzzzz*

Life's doing great when you nolonger carry hatred. OKAY i do. ONE last unforgivable one =)
May i ask? is on9 relationship so fun?? like wad grace said?? i dun think so xD
I seriously nid to try it to weih i dam desperdo dy!! haha!! whu wanna be my boiboi!! You? really? Awww.. Thts soo sweeeeet *muakz* =P

Hao got like 12A's for SPM n didn't get PSD scholarship *drop glasses*
Koko does affect T.T
Nvrmind Hao~ You so freaking smart sure can get another scholarship but you dam choosey larh!!!
You sure score 100 for ur "small test" LOL!! i hv faith in you =P

Skewl officially started today T.T

Today : Mum's burfday,My busy day, The start of the torture over again, A busy yet happi day for me =)

Early morning, dreaaaaaadddddd to wake up.....
Thank GOOOOD our headmistress not here if NOT gawd it will be CLUSTER skewl non-STOP.
Datin Yap reminded us abt the GREEN environment week =O & not forgetting Hari K xD

Hari K
Venue : SMK (P) Sri Aman
Time : 9:00am - 5:00am
Date : 23rd June
Concert : At the hall.

Anyone interested can contact me thru my msn cutepie_91@hotmail.com to get coupoooons yea. =)

Hari K 2 more weeks whee~~
Uncle back : This week =O

Skewl was fun today =) meet all my fwendz after 2 weeks of loong break.
The NOT fun part was.. dragged by Pn. Yong to do work straight after assembly.
Finally my skewl HIRED an IT technician!!! THANK GOD! he definetly lessened alot of my work =) yupz u did not hear wrongly its a HE xD
Eh,Eh, dun you be dirty minded >.<
I told him "I SALUTE YOU" kakaka~
He fixed the sliding door man! he is like dam strong O.o, He is not the big type summore.. he is skinny weih.
After work, rush back to class!! Questioned by my dear BM teacher when i was gasping for air!!!
Come on! Carrying a bag tht weight abt a TOONE up 3 flight of stairs is NOT fun.
After recess was math T.T
Evelyn.... PLS larh dun always be outa classs....... i knoe you all are capable of being the future leader, but you still need to be in class!! Not like i wanna "NGEOK" NGEOK abt you.. SPM is like your passport to anything you wanna acheive in yr future yea gals!!
Did she sound like me sister or wht?

(O_O)

Math was at Chap 6 statistics, i once dreamt of being an acturist, look at my math now... is so like freaking impossible. " when you hv no dream, you are like a bird with no wings"

LoL, met Cik Khor at the staff room, dragged me to do work again. Me, Ling, n Hema =)
20 minutes 8 boxes of pencils STICKED.
Proud of LING she sticked them fast man!

Bio,
WOW! i didn;t knoe my dictation skills was like dam chunted. I can like half way sleep and half way COPY =) Haha didn't really sleep le was juz very exhausted. Eyes was close when i was writing =X

KRIIIINGG!!!! call to say i nolonger stay back, and 5 min trip back home.
Here i am blogging.

And now to sleep =)

"i'm Sorry"

I hv been saying it over and over again.
Yea it had been my mistake.
I am not hoping for ur forgiveness, but i just wanted you to tell me what happened.
and.. stop ignoring me.
it is really impossible for me not to care..

Avoiding is nvr the keys u knoe.
You won't be reading this yet i hope tht you will.
all those bad comments abt you, i really hope tht its not true.
I want the truth to come out from your own mouth.
I've known u long enough to knoe tht you will not change in a weeks time.
I'm sure you hv yr reasons for doing tht.
"They" might not be able to see it, but i do..
and maybe someday they will com to thank you.

I did not tell you abt something i shud.
Its not tht i don't want.. is tht i don't knoe how.
I've said so many times tht i don't care, i don't depend, i don't need you, and i hate you.
All of these are lies, lies to myself to not hope for anything gud anymore.
*sigh*

Thursday,
Today Went OU.
Objective : look for photo albums xD

Went to parkson den met this GORGEOUS guy *screams*
He is tall, fair, and handsome!!! he had one side of his ears peirced. His hair was gelled up.
Serious dam cute.
I was staring man =X

Then when was walking near TGIF met him again!!
My eyes was sparkling =P
Serious larh he very very very cuteeeeeeee!!

#1) How could the Devil break an Angel's heart? Why didn’t he catch my falling star? I wish I didn’t wish so hard. Maybe I wished our love apart.

#2) You wondered how you’d make it through. I wondered what was wrong with you. Because how could you give your love to someone else, yet share your dreams with me? Sometimes the only thing you’re looking for, is the one thing you can’t see.

#3)Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable

I HATE HIM!

Harsh truth,
When you hv no value or when they hv won you as their prize you are worthless.
I'm not crying my way out again, i'm gonna walk out gracefully!
Do you think i can manage to do this?
I've already lost you although i am not ready at all.
Yup i find faults with you, why can't you be more understanding?
Do you hv to do this to me.
Making everything a no return path.
Sometimes i think if you are doing this on purpose.
Yes, you knoe me very well.
Are you trying to do this?
If yes go on, let me get over it and never tell me.
Something tht i like yet hate about you is yr egoistic self.
Yesterday i had the prettiest dream ever.
I dreamt about you on a white christmas night.
You were so different, you were on a coat with 99 red rosses on your hands and a huge teddy.
The car tht you were in was huge and nice.
You were so successful.
Dream remains as dream.
This dream will nvr come to reality i am sure.
We will nvr remain close anymore.
It hurts me most is that if anything happens i can nolonger turn to you.
I yet lost another friend tht i can trust for everything.
I feel that you were moving a distance away from me.
A very wide distance that when i call you, you can nolonger hear me.
Just some last words to you.
I Loved you Before.
I still love you now.
But if you choose to leave,you are more thn welcome.
I won't stop you, you might have yr own reasons.
I won't ask.
Lets keep it a misery until the day we die.
You hv been in my heart, you hv completed me all this while.
Now its time for my guardian angel to move away.
I will shiver at night without you reminding me to cover myself with my bedsheets.
I will get scolded, for forgetting to finish my work without you shoo-ing me to finish it.
I will be moody without you cheering me up, making me laugh everytime.
I will cry until unstoppable, without you dere comforting me.
When i use vulgar words i will miss someone scolding me.
When i refuse to go to bed over my bed-time i missed you making me go off9
When i'm sick i miss you caring for me.
I miss you telling me to not care abt other ppl but myself.
I will miss you telling me tht i am great!
My energy source is leaving me.

~there are no reasons left to try~
~you grab the fight and walk away~
~now that you are gone~
~reasons for me to cry~

Create your own Friend Test here

Blueh!
My mistake?
You invaded my privacy saying its my mistake.
Real funny.
You can point the gun back to me.
Without any apologies huh?
You're elder so?
Tht doesn't make you the Queen tht you need not apologize for a mistake you made!
I talk to my friend so wht's the big problem?
All you can say is - if you dwn ppl to read you can sign out.
WTH?
Its a total different story here i am signed in or out you still read my friends message.
Although it is an automated message but it makes no difference.
Its not like you can't find me to ask if you can read then close it.
You juz read it and begone wif.
Not forgetting to mention you closed the dam window.
My messenger was on this WHOLE afternoon.
I don't see my other sis reading my messages.
Dadi reads it but he doesn't close dwn my messages.
Yea so wht if it blinks n irritates?
I stood dere right infront of you.
You can AT LEAST ASK.
You feel the guilt didn't you.
The stare in your eyes shows.
You just dwn to give in coz i'm younger.
I left is not because i can't win you,no matter how you wanna say or twist it, you are still the culprit. YOU ARE WRONG!
Admit the fact tht you are!
By pulling out all the old stuff won't even help.Nothing can relate.
Yea i talk abt lovey dovey stuffs so?
Does tht means you can invade MY PRIVACY?
owh let me think NO!
By verbally fighting with you it sorta degrades me.

*pist*

Ryte not forgetting to mention.
You threathened me after the mistake that YOU did.
HER - If i say a word i can even take away your phone.
Take larh you think i seriously care?
I don't give a dam about anything now.
Delete my messenger larh!
You think i can't redownload?
Don't let me use com larh!
i care?
School reopens you see if i wanna come home anot larh.
You seriously think i don't dare izit?
You think you can scare me now?
I am 16 not 6.
Ghost stories don't even move me a single muscle now.
Nowonder the suicidal rate for teens these days are increasing in a terrible rate.
Like i said weeks before i feel the pleasure in seeing blood oozing out from my wrist.
Maybe someday its really gonna happen.
Seeing myself smile while writing this post even crept myself.

I would wanna have a visit to my dear caunselling teacher soon.
Anyway i meet her daily at skewl.
I am sure to have a chance to speak to her.

*Being metally tortured*

No one can be sure.
Not even us.
Something is just wrong.
How come we can act as though nothing happened?
You rushed all the way just catch a glimpse of me.
I see your bright smile everytime you talked to me.
I felt terrible after talking to you.
I loved your bravery.
You dare to try.
You did not give up on us.
You keep on trying.
You kept yourself moving, knowing tht this route is very tough.
I love you just the way you are.
Knowing how much you cared about me, you'd sacrifice anything for me.
I would hv loved it.
But because i love you in return, i don't want you to sacrifice anything for me.
I hate to think that you will only remain in my memory forever.
I want you, I need you, and lastly i can't live without you.
I was wrong to say i don't depend on you .
I do, Yes i do!
You are my source of energy.Your my power house.
If you leave i'm nothing but an empty shell.
I don't want to lose you even for the slightest second.
I can feel your presence.
Your presence in my heart.
You are just a different guy.
You outstanded everyone i've been with so far.
The way you take to look after me is different.
Far different from anyone.
I finally talked to someone close to you.
Someone tht made me think abt the old times with me and snow.
Yea its already past tense.
"We" are the new start.
The start neither of us knew is a good or bad.
I will continue to walk this route with you.
Until the day you tell me you've had enough.
I will..

walk it with you

I have the worst feeling ever!
I am the worst of all human beings!
How can i do this?
He was there waiting for me all this while.
I nvr listen properly to what he really needed to say to me.
He remembers everything about me, but i remembered nothing about him.
I am being so selfish.
I am so selfless.
I don't understand him at all.
How can i say the 3 words to him?
My actions don't even show any of those.
But..
When he say it to me he really mean what he says.
I am such a liar.

The black and white world.
I fear to re-enter the black world. Its fearfull in anyway you are goin to put it.
The thing i fear most is happening.
Why?
Maybe by keeping myself silence will make him draw away.
Maybe by drawing futher our hearts will move futher apart.
It hurts me whenever i can nolonger find a topic that we can discuss about.
Our worlds are so different.
I know how much you cared abt this.
You are concern about it.
But....
What can you do to draw us nearer?
Nothing it seems. Just nothing.
The thing with us is we have "no problem".
How far we can go i am sure both of us are very clear.
Is it really the right choice that i made up my mind to move a step ahead?
or wrong?
Hell Knoes.
I'm afraid. Afraid tht we may somehow fall apart.
I am not ready to lose you at all.
You are part of my life. You complete me.
Without you i am nothing.
but.. we are just so different.
Too different that makes our starting so wrong.

I really dunno wad i shud do. I am confused. I knoe the consequences yet i still took a step futher. The pro's n con's are contradicting one another.Maybe i shud juz keep myself in this super lost thoughts. Plain Lost. I have no directions, i dunno where will this bring us to. To Hell nor Heaven. The path has 2 routes one is the route to death one is the route to safety.However you dunno which leads you to death and which leads you to safety. This is the position that i am stuck at. Stuck in between two routes. Not knowing which one to pick. Not knowing how hard izit to walk thru it.