love

is unpredictable

Layout by 16thday ©

Straw-Berriez.BlogSpoT.CoM
As we grow older together, As we continue to change with age, There is one thing that will never change. . .
I will always keep falling in love with you.
Karen Clodfelder-

(5:38 PM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
oits~
(5:38 PM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
hi
(5:38 PM)
♫♣:[>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋŧ^кїļļă™»-ride for life, thug luv till we die- killabeeCREW-moodless.killafornia(ci)爱♣♫ has signed-in (Out To Lunch)
(5:38 PM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
wazzzzzzup
(5:38 PM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
??
(5:39 PM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
*rollseyes*
(5:39 PM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
??
(5:39 PM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
nuhings up
(5:39 PM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
nuthings*
(5:39 PM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
O.O""
(5:39 PM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
ooowwhh~
(5:39 PM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
not studying huh today?
(5:39 PM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
i just got back from tuition
(5:39 PM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
haha
(5:45 PM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
dead?
(5:45 PM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
...
(5:45 PM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
dead?
(5:45 PM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
O.O
(5:45 PM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
tak de reply pon
(5:45 PM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
apa u mau i reply
(5:45 PM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
O.O
(5:45 PM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
haha??
(5:45 PM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
hehe
(5:45 PM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
dorts betul
(5:45 PM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
dunno~
(5:46 PM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
wats dorts?
(5:47 PM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
dorts = dotz = . . . . . .
(5:47 PM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
no meaning to it
(5:47 PM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
busy zit?
(5:47 PM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
nope
(5:47 PM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
okie
(5:47 PM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
gtg now
(5:47 PM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
chiao
(5:47 PM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
bb

He weren't even offline.. he just knew i dun wanna talk to him... *sigh*

Today went tuition as usual math and Eng.
Math was tht ham sap teacher LoLs. We all kenakan him today!! haha~ darn farnieee
The eng teacher was damn chunted. Tell us many many stories. The way he look at things is like so diff. Everything he say seems to make so much sense... he is a great teacher ^^

Yup, melvin finally realized that i was avoiding him.. he sorta got pissed off with me. which i don't really care anymore.. okay i do. But i dun give a damn anymore.... And yes Ivan is asking me out....................... I rejected like woots. He is asking for my blog blablbla i told him nobody was invited tht includes him. TADA! =D so smart i shifted coz of him do u think i'll let him enter? duh no.

My post can't run from his name.
He must be at JB.
I miss you.
I miss your voice.
I miss saying "HAR wht?? i can't hear you, stop mumbling".
I miss calling you donkey.
I miss your long sms-es.
I miss nagging you.
I miss "us".
I miss studying with you.
I miss you making me remember his phone number.
I miss miss miss miss miss miss miss miss miss us.

Daryl told me why he blocked me on msn. As much as i guessed it is definitely xr's idea. No matter how many times i said it she just won't listen... i really have nothing to do with Daryl he is just my real real best friend....

bare with my terrible blogskin.. i haven't really got the mood to fix it =X

Lifeless.

We all went to tuition even on sunday. HAHA!! a joke or wht? damn kiasuuu... so many ppl at tuition during tht sunday class!! tsktsktsk.. kiasu ppl. =X yalar yalar saying myself also since i am there.. LoLs

So, Ivan kept on... can say lar bugging me, so this made me put my blog to private. You have no idea wht he posted over his blog.He said he can't forget me those stuff. For his information, my fav song ain't Fergie-Big Girls Don't Cry. Because as big as i am, i still cry. *wink* And he sent me this sms on my phone saying, "It has been awhile since your loss". Yes he said tht... I am ALIVE not dead. Goodness his english is terrible. Honestly lar as smart of a student he is, his english suck to the max. Yes Miss Ling Shin helped me tell her cousin that "secret". I wanna murder you babe!!!!!!!

Anyway HAPPY BELATED BIRTDAY POST to my dear old motherly friend TEH LING SHIN AkA Ling, Shin, Shinna, The (we always type this =X) , donkey, donkeh!
A year older a year wiser. WAiiiiiT.. you are wise enuf.. you'll probably be granmotherly if you are wiser for another year =X. haha. k/d. Anyway babe! i really miss those times at edu with you, i do consider that our best times together. And during form1 when everyone was against me you are there all along. We've known each other for 3 years now. Next year we'll be stuck together again, so consider yourself lucky that you are still stuck with the troublesome me for another year ^^. Making it the 4th year next. I Love You as a friend =X later u say i lesbo.

From how we met to how we fall in love, until it all fall apart. I just don't get it how come we can treat each other like a stranger yet we've known each other that deep. I sometimes put the blame on you. To admit to one thing you are the first guy that turned me down. Turned me down not because you don't love me. I asked myself almost one million times what is so goo about you that i will love you this deep. Till now, i still can't find the answer because you aren't good in anyway.

I am always stupid, so stupid that i'll never treasure those that loved me to death yet i will love those i know i can never be together with. I guess wht my friend say its correct. My eyesight is definitely having some sort of problem.

I am as cold as an ice sculpture to you. Every time you try melting me down it'll just make me solidify more. I really really want you out of my life. Although you are out of my heart but you are still in my memory, that is something i really wanted to discard all this while. Scream and yell forever saying you don't want... but i want.

"i thought you said you wanted me out of your life?"
"*laughed* yar, you are out of my life"

(i clearly said this, i guess you know my meaning now.)

You won't let me leave that time so i left without even telling you. Why we can't be friends? 2 loved ones can never be friends. Because we'd get jealous at each anothers halves. So just break this so we can all live happily with our own lives. Stop being such a bugger and bug me. Because i won't even bug you anymore. Not anymore...... Forever i won't bug you anymore... I don't even want to let you know my phone number it was an accident when i told you.

Oh Lord, thank you for showing me a path, a path to move away from someone i know i can never have. Someone that made my life such a pain. I onced asked if i should leave him, You told me no not yet because he won't let me leave. So i had to pretend. And now it is all over. I am happy that it is.

I feel freaking LIFELESS. zzzz although tuition is fun but tuitioning day and nite ain't. =.=
I can't believe myself taking my add math out to practice. WOooOO something you don't see everyday.

I'm not that only lifeless geeko kay. You can't imagine how many ppl i saw at tuition. Unbelievable. Even tarsh was dere. See wht i mean?

i am getting the creeps of SPM already. Few months to go.... and we'll all get over with high school. Something to cheer about i guess. =)

30days since i said i wanted you out of my life.
Exactly a month.

I should be happy that i finally succeded. I finally look at you like a stranger. I finally drew so far from you. I finally turned cold. You still sound exactly like yourself still in the dark. Its been a week since i've last heard your voice.. i sometimes ponders. My memories stream back yesterday listening to "our" song ; so-called.

God made us this way.. it is not always that we'll get what we want. Things don't always go the way it is. But with us everything went extremly wrong. Maybe i'm just too impatient, maybe because i read your mind. But i left out something very important.

When i went to the breaking point i finally tore our hearts apart. Yesterday after that brisk conversation the person that i look for is no longer you...

4months. And still counting.

yes i am here to blog again.

I just had the shortest conversation with him ever just now. I forced myself not to talk to him, i forced myself to go out and watch the drama. And said "after i finish it if he's still there then i'll say hi". I promised not to post about him. I just can't. The fact is that i can't....



(1:13 AM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
heyy
(1:13 AM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
uik..
(1:13 AM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
not busy ar?
(1:13 AM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
just finish studying while watching tv
(1:14 AM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
hahaha
(1:14 AM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
free heh now?
(1:14 AM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
not really
(1:14 AM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
sorta sleepy ald
(1:14 AM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
then go sleep la..
(1:14 AM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
1.30am den i go sleep lor
(1:15 AM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
so how r u?
(1:15 AM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
nvr hear from u so long ald..
(1:16 AM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
you also wert..
(1:16 AM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
like suddenly lost from earth
(1:16 AM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
i've always been online
(1:16 AM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
=,=
(1:16 AM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
i just put appear off9
(1:16 AM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
half the time also not infront of pc
(1:16 AM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
ppl complain i rude
(1:16 AM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
patut la
(1:16 AM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
so i just got fed-up
(1:16 AM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
rude?
(1:17 AM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
why ar?
(1:17 AM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
i on9 dun reply.. fact that i'm actually not there
(1:17 AM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
=X
(1:17 AM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
hahaha
(1:17 AM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
but you appear offline mah
(1:17 AM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
why would they wana chat withchu?
(1:18 AM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
why would they wanna wif me coz they're my friends O.O""
(1:18 AM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
they know you appear offline la?
(1:18 AM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
oni a few knoe
(1:18 AM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
oowhhh~
(1:18 AM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
wei, i gtg now
(1:18 AM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
gotta sleep
(1:18 AM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
k
(1:18 AM) ♠~♥~☠ ~ ChWiSMas:
bb
(1:18 AM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
morning gotta be driver
(1:18 AM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
hugzzzzzz
(1:18 AM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
bb
(1:18 AM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
nite nite and tite tite
(1:19 AM) ♫♣>~♀♂˜«ŝĩļĕŋ:
-dead-

Its like he is someone lost from my memory. Someone so far from me already..... we normally dragged about 30min after we say bye to each other.. its just not possible now.. all i did was jusst BB......... I hate myself for doing this...... I hate him for pretending nothing ever happened. I hate those tears rolling down the side of my eyes. I just hate it.

Agenda for Tue :

Morning : Breakfast, shift my blog, call grams, dl maple patch, and maple for 30 min
Afternoon : rush to tuition
Evening : 7pm reach home. Maple + gulp dinner down.
Night : 8.30pm Sleep.

Its ahmazing to see how early i can fall down the bed and sleep these days.

Lings birthday plan sorta canceled and sorta on. Still not confirm because tht *erhm* joyce have her *erhm* last minute plan to kedah or wherever. Only telling us the very last minute. To add on to it SHE slept at 5am and wakes up at 3pm. =.= >>> scolding me for waking her beautiful sleep. Wht kinda person is that? pignyer. =P

I can't stop laughing at the name Randy now. *hahahahahahahahahahahaha*

I break our tradition. I am sorry.
I realized now it doesn't matter anymore if i want you or not. Because the hard cold fact is i cant have you. Even that i have your body i won't get your soul.
I made my own stand, a stand that you hated, a stand that you never approved of. I'm sorry.
The tradition once made by us is now broken. Totally broken.
I don't have anything to tell you anymore because the more i talk to you the more i felt irritated. Maybe is because i have already set something on my mind to make me hate you. I too can cut your sentence and leave. I too can yell at you. I too can move away like nothings ever happened.I consider this as a test. But you failed it.

If there's a chance i think I'll travel back to the past and erase everything I've had with you because you're not worth anything at all.

I think for once everyone is right that it takes time to wash away all the pain that conserved in oneself. Listening to our song, i just smiled and push the skip button.

~GoodBye now and forever~

Sun Agenda :

Morning - Church
Afternoon - Maple
Night - Toyota Classics

Mon Agenda :

Morning : Homework
Later in the morning : Maple
Afternoon : Rush to tuition
Later in the afternoon : Maple
At night : YAY! lvl 35, watch tv.
Later at night : Sleep. (duh)


Okay you all must be wondering why this lady never goes online anymore. =D I have been busy ^^ real real real busy. I saw Amanda during toyota classics. And at church i had to do tht chicken dance coz i am a newcomer and was found. =.=" not fun kay!

Eugene : do you like chickens?
Me : HAR? so. so.? okay okay?
Eugene : WHT?!? you say chickens are adorable?
Me : O_O""
Eugene : you no how to do the chicken dance?
Me : *shakes head* NO. (do you think i don't know =P)
Eugene : *teaches me and make me follow*

I still have to do it in the end.

-3 weeks without you wasn't a pain afterall-

I don't look like i can smile today anymore. Even jokes can't make me giggle. That fucked up thing is still on my brains.

Tuition is fun. Physics class especially. Mr Tan is kinda funny. His lame jokes xD. Thank God i met darsh and she told me the way if not I'd probably have to wait half an hour waiting at the counter to ask for my directions! and she left me outside the door O.O" she said she's only going to join later.......................... so there you have ; me alone in the class..... walk inner abit of the class and i met Jo Yen!!! =D They are definitely my life savours xD

Mssd camp is canceled. Something to be happy and sad about. I was actually looking forward to it somehow.. They say too little ppl. Anyway i still have the Buddhist camp to attend yerp i shall look forward to it then. I'm joining charl to church tmr, i hope so.. ^^

Better send her an sms =D and i maybe can get a carpool from her!

They all dun let me ditch maple. So i can't ditch it but i've warned them that i'll barely be on anymore. =) But they say come here chat! i dun care. Owh well... then chat it shall be ^^

I can't believe i'm calling myself 17 next year. Next year will be our big year! Next year is like everything that i've wished for all this years! and now i feel like undo-ing everything that i've wished for. I'd rather stay in form 4 or somewhere younger......... Sometimes i just wanted it to come sometimes i just don't... The feeling is just so... indescribable..

i kept quiet doesn't mean i don't feel it. I kept laughing doesn't mean i don't care. Yes you are such a smartie so can't you just shut up for once? Yes i am stupid. So? You aren't me not every studying method works on a stupid person like me. I am that stupid to not know my own weaknesses.

Its not like i pray to get into that stupid C class! I don't speak out doesn't mean i don't care. My results ARE bad but its over isn't it. I was happy that at least i tried although not 100% but i tried. I had sleepless nights thinking about it. I was praying for it. I did it. I strive through that month. God knows what happened to my add math paper that i made so many careless mistake. I can't take the fact that i too got a C .

Of all days i cried. I cried right now because i really can't stand to pretend nothing happened anymore. I too hated the results i got. What much can i do besides acting like its nothing? can i come home crying over wht shits i got. Over my bad luck into entering that sit class. What more can i do? I hate to admit the fact that i hated all of this. I hated this pressure put on me. Those results that are never constant.

It is enough over what you have said. Its not that i don't fucking know. Its not about the tuition is about the words you speak out. The way you put it is as if i i really wanted it to happen. So what you're the smartest in the family? Even if i'm the youngest it doesn't make me feeling less that you can say all sorts of things. Put all your anger on me just like how you did last week.

I'm always laughing it doesn't mean i'm happy. It is something to cover up the way i feel. Just leave me alone.

"I stare clearly out the sky and look for a meaning... i couldn't get any."

Yes i got thrown into 5SC. 5 SCIENCE CEKAP. Which is a mediocre class it seems. Those fucked up people had always been saying "we're streaming you next year" even since like the first day of form 4. And yes they did not even fucking stream.

So many people got to A and B. Which they do not even deserve! Yes they don't. People that never bothered what classes meant for them. All they cared about is bf'sssssssssssssss. Yes they got into the class that i wanted to be in. The class that i have been praying for. The class that i studied for. Something that made me moving. Something that i had sleepless nights for. Something that i cried for.

As the morning come. I rushed to the board to see my name listed 5SC and i heard Ling shouted i got 5SC... Then i raced to hug her. At least i thought it was based on streaming. SC ain't such a bad class after all... Not till i saw some names in SA and SB which is so.... NOT RIGHT. Then i saw shumi's name in 5SC i was in a total shock. I can't believe my eyes that they did not fucking stream and just simply chuck people into their classes. And they rate 5SA and 5SB a better class. Owh even their classes have more people that SC and SD. Guess how many our class have yes ONLY 20 ppl and SD only 18.

Yes is because of my skin colour, that i got thrown into such class. The skin colour plus a little of that bad luck sticking on to me. I got to that fucking pathetic class. They just simply sorted out our names and put us in our class. A and B with more students.

Why can't they just leave is in peace? WHY? can't they just stop that streaming thing and put us back into the same class? they class that i loved so much and now its only left the 3 of us there. Yes i won't be seeing charl, keerth, chan, tarsh, jan, fifi, hema, sab, diane, amal. One whole bunch of it... i will be separated from. I won't have anyone to be there for me when i break down from stress. I won't have them supporting me. I won't hear keerths and amals lame jokes. I won't anymore.

I really couldn't cry... i just couldn't... maybe i thought what would it be like to shumi to get into this class. Although i didn't work that hard for it... but i guess she did and she does deserves somewhere in A.

And next year we'll probably be getting "those teachers".

So much for everything but in return i got nothing.

Yesterday after that stupid class thing that brought us such a big impact we just sat at the gazebo and chatted for 6 hours. I guess it was the first time i chatted with steph =D i was never close to nor knew her well. So yes, me,hema,jill,charl,steph,jo yen, and darsh sit there for 6 hours and started yapping like nobody's business. Because its the last day of school we have nothing else to do.

It would be my last day to call myself a 4SB-ian..... The last day that i see my 4SB class... the last day i look at my desk....... the last day i sit with my desk mate (hema)... the last day of being with all of them... and next year will be nothing but a disaster.

PS: i'm busy till school reopens. My apologies for not replying at msn or anywhere.

I Have A new Blog! =D
Look for the link yourself. =)

I won't abandon this beautiful blog though, a blog filled with sweet memories.
I'll just blog both sides. Depends on wht i wanna write lar lols.

Should i delete this blog?

Reason :
1) too many happenings
2) i don't like it.
3) Too many ppl know my link
4) Too many unwanted blogreaders
5) Wanted a private one.

Should i or should i not?

Oh great in another few hours time it'll be open day. Guess i took a short cut into telling mum my marks. I seriously can't face her and tell her because i myself can't really believe my own eyes. Last minute studies SIGH. Yep, you must be guessing how i told her my rows of D's & C's yes in one message.... =X what?!?! i honestly don't know how to explain edy okay..
Yes i know its bad, just don't make any remarks on it. I know what to do next.

I have been shouting and screaming about the news i already know yesterday. But what i didn't guess was school's gonna start at 7.30am And only ends at fucking 2.50. I don't care what the heck the teachers are gonna say but i'm just gonna SLEEP in that damn class.

For me next year tuesdays are going to be horror day because i'd have to be school from 7.30am till 6pm.
And yes we are bundled with hmw's already. Form 5 Projects are already out. Yes screw it. I am starting to shake now all those toones of works awaiting. My whole calender is filled with stuffs which means BUSY. Yes BUSY. Thank God i took out a week to maple if not i won't even get to touch that icon especially now!!

I will not get back into SB. Sigh. How badly i wished i know i won't. Welcome Sc and Sd.

Oh yes. The dearest person that i didn't wanted to see at msn. Him of course. Yes M. He tried chill-ing me down but no avail so he gave up and left me alone. Woo Hoo. So yar the long awaited yh came online yes he made me smile in no time. =D he's just good at it making jokes without even knowing. haha!

I'm suppose to be sleeping now but after talking to ah ling on phone she made me hyper and i couldn't sleep so i decided to blog. WOOTS. =.=

to m :

You know you used to be my everything. The feel of your hands still deep in my memory. The hug you gave me that sparkled something between us. And i did all sorts of embarrassing things in front of you. What not you tried so hard not to notice. Me sitting on your lap then everyone else followed... is just something i'll remember forever... But i just wanted to tell you that you're just like a normal stranger to me now. From the day i said i wanted you out of my life i really want to do it. I succeeded and i will not think of falling back down again. You picked your own choice i did the same. Like i say i won't wait not now and not ever... i'm so sorry maybe we are just not destined together. Even the blind can see you love me yet you denied. You are just another stingy guy you wanted the world. What i need is someone that will only have me in their heart yet not another girl sharing it. If one day she'll be back for you and you think you're gonna move away from me i guess we'd better not have anything to do with each other. We have clear statements about what we want our partner to be. I can't stand a guy that smokes. Not ever. Even if you say you're gonna stop.. its not easy i know. We know each other too deep.. too freaking deep. Now you can space out how many spaces you want to let me enter your locked heart, but all i'll do is move away. Only when you clearly know you can't get her you come back to me. Which means i'm your second choice i don't want such a guy. Although i loved you deep.
I lov"ed" you. You us"ed" to mean everything to me. But you are no longer important in my life.

"baby i want you but i can't have you" >>>> i'll use this right back on you now.

Why am i still blogging about him? Thats because this'll be the last post about him. His name will never appear in my blog anymore.

May called me today, this morning. While i was asleep we talked for a whole 30 min. She seemed real sad . And she lied to be again. I am not too sure but i think she is lying because she know i'll scold her. You all might think best friends don't lie to each other.. yes they don't but she lied so that i won't get worried of her. She said everyone ditched her that day when she was back. Sigh* i really don't know what to say anymore. I can't honestly tell her they are that kinda ppl. Forever will be eventhough how much we try to change them they'll still be the same.

I miss ky. Really really miss his cute face. really really miss his bling blings. Li guan didn't sms me anymore after i said that i was real busy the other day. Guess he found sai-b to talk to. They all fall apart just like that. I can't help but just comfort one by one. I hate to see them all like enemies now. Big Big Sigh. From a big group they split into two smaller ones. From two smaller ones they split again. And again. Sometimes i don't even bother to talk with them anymore.

Chee hau still love me. Why? I am not so attractive after all. Just me fat and ugly. We just won't happen. Even if you threathen me that you're gonna die right now i don't even care. Because i don't love you at all. Last time You forced me to be with you. And i honestly have the last straw of it when you tried possesing my life. Everything i say you won't listen and stuffs that you say i have to? comeon you really got to get your own life.I can't even drink milo at night wtf is wrong with you? Even my dad don't say a word about it. Your reason was because its fattening. Just shut up lar k. I wanna be fat my wish ryte? you don't have a control over it. Calling me 5-6 hours ain't call loving me. Get it? Asking me to sleep earlier yet you the one that don't let me sleep because u wanna talk to me. Ugh! enough~ that 2 weeks was TORTURE. Being with you is pure torture. Being mad at you because you lied & getting 50 miss calls on my damned phone isn't what i wanted. Summore you dare to come ask me give you another chance? NO WAY. i think i'm way too freaked out to be with you. Please don't use childish ways to get to me like asking my bff about my whereabts and likings. Because you will not get another chance from me. You know we are from to different worlds i can't accept a guy that is uneducated. Say all you want that i'm money minded or shallow but seriously its not like i don't want to try is because we don't even click. He can't understand half the things i'm saying. All he's good at doing is waste money. You think i'm gonna walk my life with this kinda ppl? think again i won't. I said you are childish last time when i broke with you is because i don't wanna really tell the fucking truth to hurt you so bad. So you came to me now talking real less and telling me you are les childish? no you are not. Honestly you are not. You say yes you think about your future but just god damn it you won't change. A fact. Always one. Thank you and goodbye. I maple or not also not your problem anymore.

Why izit just so hard for a guy encourage me in studying & doing hmw's? yet they say i always study always do hmw not good blablabla. Then when i play the comp. They'll say i always online go study lar this and that. HELLO! my life ryte? i study you don't let, i online you don't let. What you want me to do? talk to you on the phone 24/7 till my ears explode? Seriously fuck off.

NO WAY i'm getting someone like this EVER. i really cannot stand it. I'll die.

Yes back to story. Sigh i derno wht to say with that lady of mine. She'd better not miss her spm next year or you'll hearme shout like some mad lady. =.= she's probably real mad at me for not wishing her on her birthday =X i don't have time okay... & i forgotten lar.. my fault too. Haih~

Ah ling ling's birthday is coming. =D lols the plannings are all sorta screwed. Kayteee gathering is still on planning.. I GUESS O.O"" will ask chan ASAP ^^.

Mumi & Dadi is back from beijing . YAY fooooodddddd & lotsa lotsa chocolate to make me fatter.
Yesh not a very good thing though.

I am thinking of deleting this whole blog thingy. But i don't wanna lose those sweet memories. But i just wanna delete some stuffs. But i don't wanna delete those stuffs. ARGHHH! i sound insane i know. I am contradicting my own thoughts. T.T

Okay its back to him him him and HIM! today out conversation is brisk and SHORT. because i barely speak. I mean... i just don't know... i just... ugh!! i don't think the feeling is there anymore. The "kamching" thingy.. Okay i didn't talk to yh today. And i miss him. I don't know why i was actually looking for yh's name rather then mel's O.O

i am too shocked. Maybe its realy fun talking with yh because he can make me laugh so hard. ^^ and its really nice travelling around with him in maple. And eos tower is our memory. And to my sec sis info he is not my ah boi lar... And btw i'm in a fight with Jo. Ugh ask him why lar. =.= sold his precious acc for rm 200. So not gonna freaking talk to him at all! Why i'm mad because we have so many many many memories there. Okay to him is sad memories. But still he is such a stupid boy..... i miss him already =.= miss bullying him. Haha!

I changed my guild to miuchi. Because i wasn't MADE jr in purpleclove which i don't like. Sorry yo! Miuchi is real nice & i met another melvin of all names, melvin is the one. -.-

Me : lols!!! his name also melvin!
Yh : who? WHT melvin play maple???!?!?! where!
Me : nonono.. i mean babyblessings name is also melvin from sg
Yh : LOL! so many ppl name melvin i must name myself kelvin.
Me: Zzzz F7. LOL

Haha! since he doesn't have an english name so yar. Kelvin is a nice name for him. =D kelvin chow yi hao! not bad not bad! yar i like calling him HAAAAOOOOOOO better ^^

HAOOOOOOOO , HOWWWWWWWWw, HOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAA

hahaha!! all his nicks =.= when i ask him how he say i call his name. When i call his name he say i ask him how. Zzzzz hoa was typo budden it became "HOOO AAA" (good arrr) in cantonese.
=D

Perhaps starting of a new love life? noooo wayy... =.=

I just received a great news. One session in SA is official. FUCK them. How the hell are we suppose to attend tuition's?since the school ends at blardy 2.50 & not forgetting we have koko'z to attend which is 4-6pm!! so where do we find time to do home works? I don't suppose god will drop us a few more hours EXTRA! UGH!

My parents honestly made the biggest mistake by dropping me off at this effing retarded money scamming school! What? i am being honest okay. They'll force us to buy their effing retarded (silky purple + white & yellow stripes + little SA logo's) TIE and black shoes with white socks!! what kinda colour coordination is that? what a clown wears? or a mimicker? FUCK it. Then our parents paying those cash that they think we shake em down from trees to pay for all those new stuffs. Not forgetting we have to buy some RM 3 kancing (gold with SA logo) to put it one our oh-so-ugly kurung. CLOWNS we'll all just be some walking joke! I'll never walk to anywhere with that kinda stuffs not anywhere except that fucking retard school that requested it.

Not forgetting recess is already pack enough. NOT. So they have decided to cram 4,5,6 together for 1 recess and 1,2,3 to the second. Yay! we'll ALL be picnic-ing at the carpark or maybe get a ladder to climb up the rooftop & get a seat there. Oh and their fucking FREE text book. HONESTLY keep it to yourself. IF you are so not gonna fucking give us this year.

Fools. They are all blardy fools. I just don't understand why they just GOT TO torture our already miserable life. How the fuck are we suppose to score? with the teachers teaching there? with pn K******? yar she thought me how to fail rather! Wht the fuck is wrong with all of them? already the teachers aren't enough. Already the stupid staff room is pack enough. Do you expect the teachers to sit ontop of each other? Our class will be like a sardin tin. Fuck whoeever that brought this idea up. Just fuck you lady! If you dare put those form 1-3 teachers in my fucking class i'm shifting!!!!!!! i honestly can stand the school anymore. I'm real happy with the morning sessions teacher because they are WAY ; a million times better than afternoon ones.

Cluster school? clus - my - fucking - arse! I feel like strangling their heads right off! Even the parents can't stand tht fucking colour of our upcoming uniform!!!!!! yar very nice coz its like private school? look at the facilities. Just look at the fucking toilet i guess it has a ghost staying there or something since it has been locked for a whole blardee year. Everyone is cramming themself in 2-3 fucking toilets. Why can't they use the ideas to fix the oh-so-gonna-collapse- any-moment-hall!!! fuck that lady with her SO FREAKING nice room. (scamming our parents cash!) wanna fix the school. More like wanna get a new room for yourself lady. Even private school doesn't have some fucking retarded uniform. Even BB's got lockers. If you say SA is so much better compared to VI pls they have a really huge pool that we don't. We only have a really huge field that is filled with holes to get your legs sprained everytime when you RUN on it.

The fucking gym is built to make students life harder because nobody USES it at all. And poor QM's have to fucking take care of it. The fucking gallery is to make poor students die of suffocation because its not air ventilated! If you so wanna fucking make our school like private then lady i suggest you fucking fix our HOLED class rooms. Class rooms that rain. Private schools have lifts. So go get one. Fix the dirty ponds. Even fishes & turtles you rare there can die see how bad it effects the schools fengsui?

SA should be prepared to get less students by the year and get a pile of complaint letters from parents & I'll be the happiest to hear it!

love is something so weird.
There is something in me, some weird feeling telling me i should not ignore him.
Its the fourth time i re-added him in my msn. 4th time that i really wanted to talk to him but his contact that was having problem on my msn. It was only his the one and only..

Maybe god is trying to say something.

yh had his couz wedding dinner tonite and indeed i picked his outfit. I told him to wear black slacks and pink pollar t-shirt. He told me it looks really good. O.O but his mum ask him wear blue blouse instead. Guess it was abit too informal since he's not going to attend their real wedding in malacca because of his A'lvls exam. Yes i have something with this guy. There is just something... some feelings i can't explain neither can i say its a crush, because deep down in me i still love that idiotic freak. But this guy really have the ability to make me hate the idiotic freak. Honestly he do, when i told him from starting he already sorta hated "him". Yh honestly is my dream guy. A guy any girl will want. Smart,tall, goodlooking. He once told me that he'll only get a gf when he can stand on his own feet. Which means earning his own money and pay for things when they go out. He don't wanna depend on his parents.

On the other hand, yes i am a bitch, i am an idiot, i am a fool, i am stupid, i am such a freak just because i broke up with someone. Talk behind my back all you want. Hate me for something i did right. I don't give a damn. I am not playing with anything is just that he ain't the right guy. When the puzzle don't fit it, just don't you can't MAKE it happen. Yes he is good. But just not my type. When he ain't my cup of tea. Don't you just get it? There is something that i can't stand about him and he had some similarities with someone i hated. I like being free i'm not the type that can be kept in a cage. I hate being tied down. I go my own way. I hate being hung up on. I hate being overly teased when it ain't the right time. I hate being on the wall of fame. I hate being the rumour. I hate sensitive ones. I need someone that can stand my temper, my sarcasm, my horrible jokes & the lack of time that i have. Lastly i just hate being pushed. I didn't ask him to hate you. Infact i told him the other way round. I'm sorry if you're reading this and you think is a peice of crap. But honestly the truth is truth. My love towards someone else started a long time ago. Longer than the time i've met him, but it just grew stronger after that. If you think you suffered, try being in my shoes. Having both side loving each other yet we can't be together. Its worst. Just a word of advice don't blame someone for the fault that I DID. if you want just come to me and scold me right on my face i wouldn't mind. Yes i am avoiding you because i know you'll ask for the reason. I really don't want to repeat it. Yes it is hard for him, but it'll be worst if we let it drag longer. I hate hurting i hate doing it but i have to. I'm sorry.

-emo-

okay, as i was saying in my last post. Yes i was being emo again.. I have no idea why i just wanted someone to talk to and yes i picked yihao. Actually i tell him everything and since he know who is the ass i'll be talking about. Well the last time i mentioned about tht guy was 3+ months back. He shocked me by saying out his name. No mistake he just yelled it out " ****** ryte?"

O.O"

I was so surprised... well i continued with everything just talk n talk.. then he said i was being wise to make the choice. Who cares if he doesn't want to, i have the rights to make my own decision. He also said "if he met you was fate then wht u call us?". He totally made me speechless by saying that. Well you dun wanna know how i met yihao, its really special. =D It was both special & weird. Sigh. He said don't think of him just think of me. Talk to me and don't talk to him.

yh : tell him i more leng chai!
me : .....
yh : come let me talk to him =)
me : O.O" wht u gonna tell him?
yh : ask him shoo i more leng chai den him.
me : lols. speechless ald.

I really wonder if he have something with me. O.O"

So back to story.

Him : sorry i haven't been talking to you so much lately.
Him : working day and night.
Him: but no worries next week last ler. =)
Him : there?
Him : still watching movie ar?
Him : okay ler i gtg already. need to go work. Take care yea.
Him : hugzzz
Him : Bye.

I was there is just that i didn't wanted to reply and i said i went watch tv. It really is a pain, but i really have to do it... its the 3rd time i'm saying it to myself i really want it to be the last. No matter how many tears drop, how my heart bleed i really want to stop it. I really really love you, really really want to be with you. Really really want you to love me back. Really really want you to love me like the way you loved her. But like you say

"i want you but i can't have you"

8Th which is deepavali, i can't go to keerth's open hse special thanks to my maid. If we're not mistakken she went out in the middle of the nite the other day and we caught her. Then sis don't allow us to leave grams alone in the hse. And we cant leave the house unattended since parents aren't around. So i had to sacrifice... Sigh*

Like usual today he left me a message, i didn't reply him at all. He just asked if i was there. I don't think things will go back the way it is anymore because i can feel that you are fading, because i want you to.. the strong feeling towards you grew weaker. The telepath between us failed. Illusions scattered.

"Always rank love last because it always fails itself"

Its been almost a week since i've really spoken to you. You really broke my heart when u scolded me for being mad at you. I was always the girl you regretted yet not the one u cry for... why? i was just plying with you when i say i dun wanna talk to you coz u nvr reply my msg twice. It is not once but twice. TWICE. Just because of her you got all touchy and scolded me? yet i stayed there to comforted you because i know how badly u need an ear. This few days i didn't on my msn the times i know you will come online. I did not leave u any offline msg, you did not leave me any either. Do you know how bad i wanted your msg to pop out? Maybe you are too tired from working, or maybe i was just not the one on your mind at all. Sometimes i just wished that i didn't meet you before then all this pain won't be here. Maple takes my mind off awhile but eventually it comes back after sometime.

(to be continued) no mood write let yi hao make till i very speechless

I'm so sorry everyone that i haven't been blogging lately. Had been mapling actually. =) trying my best to revive my mage. And yes my mage is finally revived after the staying in a noob state for almost 6 months. Special thanks to my lovely guild purpleclove & all those lovely guild members. Master of the guild especially that encouraged xP. Thank you guys so much. ^^

At Aquila, i've got to thank jj,weihan,eug, hz, yh helping my noobie mage. xD it is now lvl 27, standing on its own feets.

Mum & Dad went to beijing for holiday on sat. And i am forced to sleep with my annoying sister. She is so evil, didn't wanna let me sleep because i had to make sure all the gates are locked and she happily went to bed at 8.30. I have to suffer with my eyes 3/4th close while reading my book to prevent me from falling asleep.Then, the next day when i was already awake, she PINCED me to wake me up. =.= Gosh. Its such a nightmare being in the same room + same bed with her. She's not suppose to be the one that is afraid of me, instead I WAS suppose to be AFRAID of her. SCREAMSSSS** I wanna go back to my own beddddddddd~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sleeping whenever I WANT TO. WAKING UP WITHOUT GETTING PINCHED. aiyeeeeeeeeeer. shud have just kicked her. =.=

4 more days and school is officially over.
I can't believe time flies so fast... I don't want school to end.
Even if it takes another month of freaky shit exams, i don't want school to end! i don't want! As i look at the form 2's laughin and enjoying it really brings me back to the past.
School - so many things that happened there. In Sri Aman. Happy,sad,dissapointment,anger, everything. Friends that are still stuck in my life no matter how i treat them. When tears roll dwn my eyes, i always have them with me. Next year as i walk in to my class i might not see all of them anymore. I'm afraid that i won't have them teasing me anymore. I'm afraid i won't hear jan calling us to go to the lab. The friends that i can always count on... talk so many craps with.. i can't believe it is all going to be memories in days time...

"the strong bond will never be broken between us"

SHaSha says STOP!!!


I lurve this pic!! starring me and keerth!

Ling shin attempting a murderous act! Chan was trying to hit me i think! haha

Me Pris & chan! Pris you know how much i love you!




pris face covered by ling shins fat face =X i didn't say a word! i didn't HONEST!

Oh no! chan how can you? ouch!

Ladies & gentleman, this spot belongs to us da three gangsta!

Hey! wat you looking all i'm da teacher okay!!



Mine! mine! mineeeeee!!! the table is MINEEEE!!!


Who say that was tarsha's table? its mine oky!

NOO!!!! dun take it away! don't you dare!

We love us!




Keeerth your hair rawks! haha!

hey! i putting lipbalm lar no pictures pictures all!

me n diaaanneeeee. Since your tag was erm, forgotten so here we have MISS BURP-A-LOT!

Sara,ling,gaya,chan!




me & sara!!

ILY CHAN!!!!

bestiesss!

me,chan, sara!






LINGGGG & SAARAAA!


The 1 eratians!! gosh life without you guys will be... sigh.

Me n charl!

ling shin's arse! sexy much?




after gotong-royong!

diane emo look coz she have to sapu sampah! O.O"

shin i know how mch you love gaya, but you obviously love the clock alot too!

me & whacko jill. =D wht? did i just typed that. I DIDN't mean to sorry! =P



me and minaaa oo'


Iffah next time smile! dun emo much ain't good for health! =D

Me and hema! my bestie,my classmate, my seatmate. She lurves to scold me but hell yeah when i'm in shit she's always there for me. & you know i love you!

us again!



me & kerth!


sab sab sab! miss pot pet pot pet! =D

so sweeett!!

tharsh candid! omg, she's killing me.




From Left, Ling shin miss Motherly, Karmen miss silent rocker, Evelyn miss tidur 24/7!

On my way to school! =D testing shot

i lurve you tarsh! altough you trampled on my foot just now -.-!

Eat more lar har! eat eat eat! har!






FIFI@@@@@!!! our class kd. CHeerLeader too.


eat tarsh eat! you'll gain! i know you will! JY! =X

Pn cheong = heart att! ya'll know why! =D

4SB we love you!




Keert da emooo look!

who's that! guess yourself. Still can't? then you ought to be blind!

chity chatty!

our class drinks is like so little O.O" nevermind we managed to kidnap from other classes =D




whu's dat??? O.O"

sara's cupcakes ^^

AHHH!!!!! ?

starting up da partehhh!




blur yet nice !

me and sook ann!

chan i love you too much that i can't possibly let go. Bring me home with you!!!

me and channy again!




us again?

charllllllllll..........

charl me & angiee.

me & sara







A friend of mine since standard 1!!! @.@ Eewon & Evelyn E's squared?

laksh & me!

May Shin, Me, Sab

We form a star. Altough it didn't quite looked like one.




baby fingerrrrssssss.

i'm emo! don't touch me.

our oh-so-called professional photographer! (wanabe)

hems & charll!




"Evelyn i know you love me lar no kiss kiss all i'm not lesbo" I know she'll say this line!

hems & charl

They say i'ma doggy O.O"

haha cute picture of me and my drink like whattt??!??!



me n losh. No james bond all lar lady.


statuee?

Keerts taggy. Whacko neat freak. HAHA

this picture was suppose to be a candid emo one. But she saw me. =.= and smiled like damn fast so yar, it ended to be amal's very big smile picture. LOL




stick the tongue's out babeh!

blueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!

The class party for 4SB-ians 2007 Signing Off.