★

Friday, October 26, 2007 1:49 PM

⇨

Defeated. I was defeated badly..

defeated by myself.

You can never imagine those shocks i got after my exams....

All those feelings that i had. Happy, disappointed, sad all at one go....

First of it was english. Paper 2. Although it was an A1 for my 1119 paper but it just wasn't good enough. After i've read jan's, tarsh's, and sara's paper it was just fabulous. I mean they can write so perfectly their english is superb. Compared to mine, it was like shit. I've expected such results. Honestly. I have no idea what to write on that day... maybe i'm just too tired of thinking.. sigh.

What not i got back my add math paper. The amount of nonsense mistakes i got. Sometimes people say the higher hopes you have, the harder you fall. Yeah. I agree. I don't even know how to face mrs soo and tell her i dropped from a B to a C thats even if i can get a C. I might just get a D. No joke. Mistakes,mistakes, mistakes. Well, i can't blame it all on mistakes still it was me that have been so reluctant to start any practices. Only started 2 days before exam. It should be expected.. i can't face myself.

I just came home and thought i can have a nice lunch get everything over with and nap. Guess what. I found a cockroach on my lunch, my grannie bought it from somewhere.. totally destroyed my appetite..

After exams we had free time. Elly was checking her paper so i joined in. I found out that half my paper was wrong. No it wasn't because i didn't study hard enough. The answers were all so freaking close. Even shireen, the one that will probably get 91 for add math had that much mistake. The paper was honestly horrible. While i was studying last night it was like checking on my bio paper 2. I started yelling my head off. I nearly cried over those mistakes i've made. I even forgot to mention on malignant tumor, stupidly enough i put benign tumor instead. Exam is just one peice of shit. Finally i thought i can get a weekend out of it, but oh-no those news just have to come falling.. if SPM is like this... i'm running away from it. Seriously. I'd rather run than have me see those marks that i'm about to get.

"What more can i do? sit there and grieve... its just not the way."

No one can feel the pain that i'm going through now. My day was horrible. It all started when he didn't show up. Then my paper, then my results, the the cockroach in my lunch. I just wonder how bad can my day get... maybe i'll just fall and hit somewhere later. [sigh] moodless. speechless. emo-ing.

"how can lifeless people can actually hold a book 24/7 and not let it go? how is it like to study 24 hours a day? i really wonder... maybe i need to try it someday."

When i need you, you ain't here. When i don't, you stand right infront of me. Crying silently.

Exam-free isn't so happy after all. For at least i ain't smiling.