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Friday, September 14, 2007 1:33 AM

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I can't handle it, i'm not strong enough. i broke down.
Maybe it was just stress or something, but i just felt so freaking horrible.

The way he treated me is just so freaking unfair. I've always been complaining about that freaking "nose shit" allowance that they are supplying me. To them its more than enough. In reality its called starve yourself to death. I can never save, never save any cash. Thus i can't usually get the stuffs that i WANTED to buy. i had to always depend on him. Depend depend depend. Always giving me that look when i wanna get something for myself as if i ask for it every fucking second.

WHAT I DID. WHAT I DID. WHAT I DID.

Do i give shit? have you ever think of WHY I DID THT instead?

Everytime going out whenever i see anything nice or what i wanted i nvr voice out its because i'm with my sisters and its just not gonna be fair to them if they spend alot for me. when i go out wif him it seems Rm 5 is all i worth. His daughter is only worth of Rm 5 yay! I'm not angry about anything but even after i SAID it he's still acting all dumb and stupid about it.

FYI, pls stop dragging this topic to MY STUDIES! for your fucking information i will NOT, will NEVER ask you for money for my future studies. THANK YOU!

I might act like a kid all the time, but i am not one! I think on others behalf coz i'm not some selfish lil brat!

Ya i always mix with the wrong ppl. i am too naive to think for myself thats why i need you to help me. ya i am stupid. ya i can't study. ya i am dumb. ya i am a fool. I'm just some nobody around. Aren't i?

Meeting them was just faith. It was also by accidental. and FYI the way i meet my friends wasn't really coz of tuition. & FYI you stopped me not coz i mix around wif the wrong friends or coz you are scared. YOU KNOE THE REASON VERY WELL! its because i always fail and you think its a wasting YOUR MONEY.(its not about the money you were saying? STOP BULLSHITTING THANK YOU!) From a fail to a pass you call that no difference? from a pass to a B3 you call that no difference? WOW! i suggest you go get a calculator.

Its just so fake those fucking reasons you give are just FAKE! it changes all the time. Mixing with the wrong friends. I find this real funny. Okay i got to admit the fact that some of them smokes. & so? smoking doesn't tell a person bad does it. They are just normal human beings. They have a life to. Sometimes descriminating is just not the way. They have feelings too they do too felt descriminated! and what makes them worst is all those ppl that descriminates others!

" Its nice meeting you. But i suggest you don't mix around wif us so much"
" I don't think your parents will like us "
" as in.. you know the way we are and all ryte? "

He knoes, they knoe. They all do. I was shocked when he told me this last time. I really was. Its because i never mentioned a word about my parents. NEVER once.

The funniest smoker that i would have ever met is dat cow! hmm.. an ex smoker i got to say now ^^ .

"OMG i wonder when will my lungs turn black?"
"its already black & your gonna die next year =D"
" yar i guess so. "
" want me to send you the research i did last year? ^^ bet you'll quit smoking after that! "
" NO!! i dwn, my friend just sent me. i dwn to see all those horrible pictures anymore!"
" you knoe its bad and you are still hanging around wif it. You are not making anysense!"
" sometimes its just not easy to quit "
" summore say wan donate your lungs to others, as if you can =.=!"
" ...... "

I'm proud of you that you actually quit smoking once again. & this time is for yourself. I don't wish to see you starting again. REMEMBER you DID SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF.

I woke up by MYSELF at 1am. i'm shocked. I think stress is driving me a lil to far. The desperation to actually be perfect. Somewhat i think i tried to hard. It never worked. I am about to give up. I can't sleep lately. closing my eyes means thinking of work. I can't let go of homeworks,studies, books and worst of all problems. I actually felt so much better after crying. They say crying is a way to relief stress.i guess its true.