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Sunday, July 1, 2007 12:05 PM

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I'm suppose to wake up early in da morning n find myself in Langkawi.
Ironically i found myself at home on bed.
i dun feel like waking up today.
I juz don't feel the need to.
I no longer hv the want to live another day.
When i'm typing this i think i saw invinsible tears rolling dwn my cheeks.
I finally broke dwn.
I want to wake up in the world of my own.
My own fantasy that will never hurt my feelings at all.
I don't feel like speaking to anyone at all.
Even my grams.
Even him.
The only thing that i will seem to say is yes and no.
I am 50% much quiter than i used to at skewl now.
I still laugh, but fake you might consider.

My english is getting way worst.
Finally i feel like picking up some books n read.
I never get to read in peace.

"Eh why you never go out one?"
*eyes roll*
ASK someone dat is sitting infront of you and DON'T ask me why. FULLSTOP

Everyone that i knoe is bad.
All my friends are stupid, idiots, and they are all bad.
Yes i might have to say, some of them smoke.
Does smoking makes them bad?
The amount of things i went thru wif any of them shows that they are not at all bad.
Yeah i must admit, when i 1st saw them.
Hell yeah i'm scared.
The feeling of STAYING as far as possible.
But, after a few words with them, they are just like normal people.
Abit nottier, much funnier, speak bad words n make joke out of any sentence, and smoke.
Not all smokes but some.
Somehow you might say its faith or anything.
But our relations grew much stronger from then on.
They share my problems and i share theirs.
Until now i'm still in contact with all of them.
I must agree sometimes they like to talk very nonsense things, but they are 100% joking.
Being with them it seems to wash away all the troubles because i can joke around with them.
They can make me laugh when even when i cry.
There has been a fight among them dat made them drifted apart.
Most of them consulted me... but seems like nothing can be done.
I am like a younger sister to them.
No matter how we are seperated, i'm sure all of them will hv the sweet memmories we had back then.
I remembered they assumed before dat when i get into trouble they will flee n leave me.
I wonder why they are still sticking up for me now?

I miss all my gurlfwends. Its been 9 months since we've met ryte?
It freaks me when we still can talk like a bunch of besties.

Maybe its true on what they say Once Friends Forever Friends =)

"har y u can't go out???"
why? i want to knoe why too.

The reasons they give are pathetic.
All reasons are debatable.

Isn't it useless to argue anymore?
They think its fun hiding things from them.
They think i like it.
They think its fun lying.
They think i like lying.
Lying to myself its the hardest task.

I'm never good. Everything dat i get is useless.
I think abt useless things.
That is ALL they knoe abt me.
They don't knoe the person living in me at all.
I look strong, but i am not.

To all teens out there stop whining abt curfews.
Its better to have curfew than to never have gone out before.
curfew?
i don't think i knoe this word well.

Yeah i get to go out with my elder sister you think its fun?
The shops they go is for their age.
They make their decisions.
why not i just stay home?

Don't even remind me about pirates.
If you don't evn allow how do i even tell you the time date where n when?
HUH?

"Har why your parents like this one?"
i can't even utter a word.

Why am i hated at skewl when i was young?
Ask them please.

-silent cries-